Over it?

I may just be over blogging, this here blog...the blog thang.

I just don't know. I still have lots and lots to say, don't get this girl wrong...but I am just not able to take the time to sit down and type it out.

I have censored myself too. And I hate that. I think about writing all of my (ahem) profound thoughts and then I think about who reads this and what they will think if I am that brutally honest about whatever subject is running through my head.

Secretly I want to start a secret blog.

The biggest secret is I don't have time to start a secret blog.

I also think that maybe I should just journal again. Maybe that.

But if nothing else I am a confused blogger.

I don't want to be a mommy blogger.

I want to be able to discuss my momminess when I feel necessary but I don't want to be a mommy blogger.

Being a mommy is important and, of course does defines part of who I am. BUT JUST PART PEOPLE.

Here is what I know fo sho:

We are great.
I love my job.
I am approximately 3 weeks from delivering our Baby Girl.
This stage of pregnancy is really hard on my body, mind and soul.
I have fabulous friends from all walks of my life.
I miss the gym.
I am so thankful my mom lives so close.
JD is the light of my life. Our life.
I can't wait for March Madness.
P-Daddy is the LOVE of my life. Seriously people. The Best.
I don't pray enough.
I am scared of my second c-section.
I love getting my nails done.
I may just be over this here blog.

Time shall tell I guess. I am taking 12 weeks off once baby girl is born. You may just get some delirious sleep deprived posts! Now THAT could be entertaining folks!

Which of your parents are you most like?

P-Daddy gets told ALL.THE.TIME he is "just like his father." Which isn't a negative thing at all, it just isn't true. :) But I let the family continue to say it because its their gig. And P-Daddy and his daddy look a LOT a like. Way more than the other bro's...so I see how that could throw them all off. Ha!



I look a LOT like my mom, minus her height. I didn't quite get to 5'11...I hang out at 5'5 (on a good day). But if you look back at pictures from when she was my age its a bit scary how much we resemble each other. And I am like her in a lot of ways.



For example, I make my friends mix CD's whenever an opportunity arises to do so. Momism for sure.



I also shop on the sale rack first, wear my heart on my sleeve and feel very comfortable cooking without a recipe.



But as a PARENT, lately I have realized I may just be my dad. I have been told I am "just like your father" several times in my life. Mostly when I am in an angry and stubborn sort of mood. Which paints a bad picture of my dad. He isn't bad just so you know. He does have a temper (not a scary one, just a normal type) and is very stubborn.



I actually love how my dad parented. He was strict but knew when to give a little. He worked really hard to provide for his family, but when he came home he would always play with us or work with us on our sports. In the summer he would find time to coach our teams and come to the pool to swim with us. He had a social life with my mom, for himself, but you knew that we were the most important thing.



I painted a REALLY pretty picture there...we were NOT at ALL a perfect family. He made LOTS of mistakes in his life that affected our family. But now that I am a parent I look back at THOSE things above and really appreciate that I had a dad that was there.



I am like him though in the way of being the strict parent. I am not afraid to yell. I am also not afraid to give lots of hugs and love. I am not afraid to sacrifice everything (even sleep, especially sleep) for my child(ren). I get a little short tempered when JD acts up over and over again. I work hard for their future.



This is just one of those funny little things in life I think. Looking back at your parents and seeing the good and the bad. Trying to figure out your own way but realizing there are things that they did that will be embedded in you forever.



I am glad I make mix CD's and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am also glad that I am able to be strict yet loving.



Which of your parents are you most like?

This Girl and Pregnancy

I have been thinking about this post for a while...you know with all the up and down in the night (gives me lots of time to THINK). I had lots to say when prego with JD but didn't blog...sooo thought it may be fun to think out loud a bit on what this 9 month gig is all about for what is probably my final pregnancy.

So I am literally just going to type what I think. May be a bit jumbled. May be brilliant. We shall see...

Pregnancy with JD was trying. Lots of medical weirdness and complications. Makes the whole process very hard. Made me a nervous nelly. Pretty sure it heightened the level of my control freakness with him when he was born healthy.

Avoided Pregnancy for almost 3 years due to this factoid.

Took me about 3 years to get off all the weight from the FIRST one.

My boobs stayed bigger. Good for P-Daddy, ehhh for me. Big boobs to a girl that never had much makes you feel fatter. But I will say my cleavage is gorgeous now. HA!

First trimester sucks for two reasons.
One-you are tired and feel like crap for 12-14 weeks.
Two-you are cautioned to not tell a soul about being pregnant because the chances of miscarrying your baby is so high.
Which really means there are THREE reasons to not like it because who wants to carry around the burden of the fact that you are pregnant now but for no rhyme or reason in a 12 week time frame you could just "poof"...not be anymore.

First 12 weeks drag for this girl.

When I see two blue lines or "PREGNANT" on a stick...I want to shout it from the roof tops. Such an exciting moment.

Second Trimester is bliss. Even with JD and the ball of stress I was. Baby girl has been much easier overall but the two of them made the second 12 weeks fabulous.

Belly looks like a pregnant person and not just a chub.

You start to feel their little kicks and punches.

You glow a bit.

And you aren't too big that doing anything like sitting down and standing up is a challenge.

The hormones that run through your body during this time frame must be some good stuff (aka they should bottle it-ha!) too because I worry a LOT less during this time frame.

We find out what we are having and get the blessed 20 week ultrasound.

Then you hit (overnight it feels) the third trimester. I feel, especially with this pregnancy that I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning and I was a lot rounder in the belly, it was harder to roll myself out of bed in the morning and baby girl gained at least two pounds.

I start to worry a lot too. If I don't feel her move (and was the same way with JD) for a second (okay probably longer than that) I start to worry that something is wrong.

I start to worry about the delivery and that her cord will be wrapped around her neck 4 times too.

I start to worry about the recovery of another c-section.

I start to worry about weird things like blood clots because of c-sections.

I nest like no other woman has nested. I nest hard.

I start getting so excited about meeting our daughter (our DAUGHTER!) and then get scared in the same breath that something could go wrong.

I don't like third trimester hormones. :)

I worry that each Braxton Hicks is a real contraction (as I don't think I had any real ones with JD) and that I am not paying close enough attention.

Did I mention I nest?

Did I mention everything is already washed, put in its organized place, and ready for her arrival?
Did I mention I am only 29 1/2 (yes I needed to get the half in there) pregnant?

Oh and the nursery is done.

And I am thinking about packing my hospital bag today. No joking around here folks. Move out the way...I am nesting.

Then I look at JD and cherish every moment with him (or at least try to) because his world is going to be rocked soon.

I was the oldest child. I know the responsibility you feel as the oldest. I don't want him to feel that yet (and I know he won't but my adult horomoned out brain is O.C.)

I can't wait to see him as a big brother.

I have loved this time as our family of three though. For us, I am glad we had it this way.

And I do think about and thank God about the fact that we have no troubles getting pregnant. That in itself is a gift.

I have tried to let the weight thing go. I have been conscious about what I ingest (although Christmas time was hard on this front), how much I work out, etc. But I have just tried to appreciate what my body is doing this time.

The deal is that no one can prepare any one gal what this will be like as it is different for everyone. And I like to go into a situation prepared.

The first time around hit me like a ton of bricks as I literally had always envisioned pregnancy as a very blissful time.

I was of course more prepared this time around but it still hasn't ceased to amaze me. It hasn't been blissful but its been niceR

Overall I am trying to cherish pregnancy this time around. Trying to breath, give it to God and enjoy the 9 month ride. I am just at the 7 month part and wish that God had created pregnancy to be 30 weeks instead of 40. :)

A View of 2010

JANUARY

FEBRUARY

MARCH

APRIL

MAY

JUNE

JULY

AUGUST

SEPTEMBER

OCTOBER

NOVEMBER

DECEMBER

From our Family to yours...

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

The Best Way To Spread Christmas Cheer...

And yet another deep thought by this momma

So I am having a girl as you all know by now.

And I am so excited.

But I am also so scared.

Women are so hard on themselves (including this woman). And I was hard on myself as a girl, teen, and young adult too.

So I was at a baby shower today of a friend who happens to also be having a girl. There were 34 other beautiful women there...some I knew, most I didn't from all walks of this friends life. I listened (probably looked creepy but whatevs) to these girls talk about their jobs, their friends, their lives. I find people so interesting so this is always fun for me...you know to be the creepy one listening in! HA!

Anyway...then it came time to take the group photo. We all gathered on this pretty staircase and that's when it started.

"I would prefer to be in the back"
"Please take this shot from the waist up"
"Could you hide my hips"

...and those were just a few.

I have to admit that earlier at this same shower one of my friends and I were discussing our Christmas cards and I sooo said I hate having my own face on them as I criticize almost all pictures of myself. To which she replied "oh whatever you are soo freaking photogenic"...to which I replied "oh no I am not"...but then followed it up with "I do realize that I am my worst critic." And I look back at that conversation and just want to stop myself and say instead "THANK YOU."

In her eyes, perception is probably reality. Meaning in her eyes I AM photogenic. And paying someone a compliment like that is extremely sweet. Next time, I promise to say thank you. Whether I believe it or not.

Speaking of BELIEVING it...I actually have come a long way from the days where I would look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I actually do like ME. Even my growing a** from the baby growing inside of me. :) Even that. And that, my dear readers is a HUGE STEP for this girl.

But this brings me to the responsibility I feel to my unborn daughter.

I realize that society will play a part in how she looks at herself.

I realize that I (and P-Daddy) will play the LARGEST part.

Yes, this may sound or read as if I am only focusing on vanity. But if you are a girl and you are reading this, you know what you think about yourself to the core of your being. And it starts with what you are looking at in the mirror. Yes, sure you may see wrinkles and not love them...but if you look at your eyes you see your core. This is what I am talking about. And you may not really be able to pin point WHY you feel the way you do but I can tell you from all the therapy this girl has had...it came from your family. And how you feel at the core of yourself does spill out of you. Whether you like it or not. Like when you are 30 something and have to take a group picture at a baby shower.

My husband, by the way looks at himself fondly in the mirror every single day. And always has since the day I met him. And I love this quality. He likes himself. I want both my kids to feel this way too.

So as I am aware this CAN be something men deal with, I know this IS something women deal with.

When I hear friends who already have little girls criticize them I cringe. They hear you is what I want to say. You are shaping them NOW. And I don't think calling a 2 year old chubby is ever okay. Mostly because its just allowing YOU to think its okay to say it later too.

So I may be a bit sensitive because of my own experiences...and I may take this way too seriously for some...but no matter your thoughts of what I am writing if you are a woman...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and you know how it affects YOU!

I have always said "you do better when you know better." And we all know better. We are all smart, we have all seen the way this whole thing plays out. I want our baby girl to grow up and say "THANK YOU" to a compliment without even thinking twice about it. Because at her core, she knows that she is beautiful inside and out. I want her to truly love herself.

By the way your parents did the best they knew how. Just as mine did. We all carry our baggage and unfortunately this is given to our children. I don't blame my parents as what good does that do? I just want to learn from my own experiences. And NOT repeat history.

And so I am scared.

Because this is a HUGE responsibility.

For both our kids.

But believe me when I say I am thrilled to be given this opportunity. To be a parent. To love my children and show them how to love.

Dear God thank you for the gift of my children...help me do your will along the road of raising them! AMEN!

Cookie Time!

Its Cookie Time, Cookie Time, Coo-kie TI-ME! Who else LOVED Beverly Hills What a Thrill? Aka-Troop Beverly Hills the movie! Early 90's classic if you ask me!

Anyway, thought I would share the cookie love in blogger world today with a new recipe I made up this year*! With JD's peanut allergy the last few years I have felt rather limited on my Christmas cookie baking because everything I USED to make included peanut butter. But alas, I have gone back to the drawing board and come up with something I think is fun and different!

Introducing: Sugary White Chocolate Candy Cane Cookie Cups

Ingredients:

1 cup butter flavored shortening (or you could use just one cup unsalted butter)

1 1/2 cups white sugar

2 eggs

2 1/2 cups of all purpose flour

2 teaspoons of cream of tarter

1 teaspoon baking soda

1/2 teaspoon of salt

1 1/2 bags of white chocolate chips

1 package of candy canes, crushed

Mini muffin pan

Preheat oven to 400 degrees

Mix Shortening (or butter), sugar and eggs until creamy. (use hand mixer)

Mix the flour, cream of tarter, baking soda and salt in a separate bowl. (Just use a wooden spoon for this)

Mix together the wet and dry ingredients with a wooden spoon.

Take 1 inch pieces of dough and push into the bottom of your mini muffin pan (I used a dark non-stick muffin pan so I didn't have to grease it...use your own discretion for what you own). Bake for approximately 10 min or until dough is brown around the edges (all of mine also kind of rose and fell in the oven...I always took out right when the centers fell). Have your white chocolate chips and crushed candy canes handy because you will want to sprinkle each cup with a few chips and candy canes right out of the oven! Let them cool a bit in the muffin tin and then pop them out on a cooling rack for the remainder of the cooling process!

Makes about 48 mini's.

*FYI/Disclaimer-Cookie Recipe is actually a Snickerdoodle recipe (minus the cinnamon and sugar) I found on www.allrecipes.com a few years back that I LOVE. Also, I am quite aware that I am probably not the first to think of this recipe so I claim no rights to it at all. :)