Saturday, July 18, 2009

The Skinny

I have been thinking again (so watch out), about The Skinny. Or being The Skinny, or The Fat, or The In Between. I need to share my thoughts on this or else. I don't know what the else is but I know I haven't been able to get The Skinny out of my head so I know I need to write or blog or whatever the kids call it these days.

The Skinny on us is we have been busy. I have been absent as a blogger but have enjoyed my sabbatical. We have been here there and everywhere and we aren't slowing down. I love it. We slowed down for way to long. It was time to speed things up a bit...but not speed life up. That is crazy talk. Just have more plans in our lives. In 2009 we are funner.

JD seems to want to grow up, too fast. And everyone told me it would be this way but you don't believe it till you see it and he's doing it right now. Literally, he just grew an inch. Its unbelievable. But you moms out there know I'm not talking about height...its more the discovering that there are boogers in their nose, and plugging their ears when they don't want to listen anymore. That stuff is happening too fast. Can I get an AMEN.

For those of you who only visit this blog to see our family pictures...I shall appease you here:

Our very own Scuba Steve

This one speaks for itself and how cool P-Daddy is

The blushing bride and her dress

We are fun I tell you, weird but fun!

Congratulations Amy and Paul!

Back to the subject at hand... the ACTUAL Skinny, which is more about the real skinny. Being The Skinny. What does that mean anyway? I mean I know The Skinny when I see it, don't get me wrong. On celebrities, and my friends, and everyone else.

I read an old US Weekly the other day while getting a pedicure. It was about Heidi Pratt from the Hills and how she was a bulimic while on the show because of all of the pressure to be thin. She started the show weighing in at 107lbs, she is 5'7. During her bout with an eating disorder (and when she was "coming off of it") she weighed 136 (I think, somewhere around there). By the way, she is still 5'7. I mean really...they considered her "The Overweight" or "The Fat" or (gasp) "The Chubby" ( I HATE that word).

First of all, eventually when I become famous for a reason yet to be determined, hell will literally freeze over before any sort of weight in numbers is ever revealed. I know, its just a number. But REAL Skinny people were reading that article and judging. And then people like me were reading that article and were all "Jesus, I am apparently off my rocker fat." I mean really. 136lbs and 5'7. Really.

I have ALWAYS cared about my weight but I have never been The Skinny, close but no cigar as they say. Like the real Skinny. Whatever that means. Sometimes I obsess about it. Like went on diets as early as middle school, and thought not eating most of freshmen year of college was the way to go. But I have NEVER looked in the mirror and liked what I saw. A body part here and there, maybe, but never liked the whole package. Oprah says we have to love our body as it is now. And Oprah knows everything. No, she doesn't you cult following Oprah weirdo's... but she is onto something there I think.

In my adulthood I have realized something about women. There are those that put them selves together in the morning and like what they see. Even love it. You know those women too I bet. And they are not necessarily The Skinny. In fact, some of them are The Curvy. But they look great. I get jealous because I can see they are COMFORTABLE in their own skin. Maybe more than being The Skinny, that is the goal. The Comfortable.

I realized the other day that I don't remember what it felt like before having JD. Meaning my body. Because it changed...and any woman out there that says that it doesn't is LYING. Even those of you lucky ones that end up SKINNIER, your body still ends up different than before baby. I have worked and worked, and personal trained and sweated and spinned and kick boxed and it is still different. I am not to terms with this yet. But when I realized the other day that I don't even remember what my legs and arms and belly felt and looked like 31 months (I am including the months of pregnancy in there) ago I realized that I may actually look the same/better/whatever to the outside eye as I did then. Or whatever. You catch my drift. But I don't feel it. I mean I can look at pictures, but we all know that looking "back" at pictures is ridiculous anyway, because when they were first taken I looked at them and was all "GOD, I need to lose about 20 pounds." HA! Now I look at those same pictures, get a little sad, and am all "why didn't that girl love herself right then, she was cute."

I know I am stronger, and healthier and more aware than I was 31 months ago. I don't smoke cigarettes, I don't eat like crap (very often anyway), and I drink alcoholic beverages a heck of a lot less. That's all gotta count for something in the calorie counter right? Or the life expectancy any way.

My clothes from pre JD fit. Most of them anyway. The ones that don't button around my milk making machines (yes I just said that) because those decided to stick around even after the milk left. But the clothes look different, feel different. And I wasn't even The Skinny then, back then...this I know.

Oprah says I need to love my body as it is right now. I am trying. Is it weird that I care so much what everyone says behind my back. Not you people who stalk my blog who didn't know me at all ever before. Cause you all only know me now, those pictures I choose to share now. But the ones who stalk my blog that know me from back in the day. They judge. I know it because we all do. I let it get to me. Because they judge silently and they judge publicly. About me, about others. We are all so mean about The Skinny. I know its cause we all want The Skinny. We don't want to be the ONE that loses site of The Skinny and gets The Fat.

My girlfriend (did you see that...I wrote FRIEND) said to me the other day "Its probably hard for you to look back on college pictures because of how you struggle now (with my weight that is)." Just for the record, I struggled then too. And just for the record, I hardly ate in college until senior year when I decided to eff it and then they named a McDonald's value meal after me. I wasn't The Fat, but I was getting there. And anyway, that was mean. But she has issues and I know that. She is jealous of other things in my life and The Skinny is the only thing she can attack right now. Even though she is my friend, and knows that I kick box, and eat right, and personal train, and spin, and and and. Imagine what she says behind my back? Some days I think I need some new friends (not ALL new friends ladies...) but some. They are good people though who have their own issues. And they are most of the time good friends. So I stick with em. Its what my gut tells me. And Oprah (I just chuckled as I wrote this but I have to keep going) says that you should always follow your gut. I promise I am not a cult Oprah weirdo. Just have a fantabulous memory. She has some good ones. We gotta give her that.

I think it is a GIFT, a GIFT I tell you to look at yourself and love you. I want that more than you all or anyone will ever know. And I am trying. I was told recently (by a good non judgemental person) to get all naked and stand in front of a mirror and look at it all and then look at myself in my eyes and say one thing I like about my body and then one thing I like about my person. Try it. Its harder than it sounds. Between you and me I said I like my lips and my ability to help people. My LIPS people. Guess its a start. And I do like my lips. They are full and pretty and don't need lipstick.

I don't attribute my obsession with The Skinny to tabloids or television or movies or models or whatever. I attribute it to the fact that my group of friends at a very young age started to talk, think, and worry about looks. My clothes mattered, my hair mattered, my weight mattered. That probably goes back more to our parents than to any of the other outside factors. I never remember hearing my 5th grade friends (because I believe that is when it started) saying that they wish they looked like "insert celebrity." We were sheltered enough that it wouldn't have entered our minds. We wanted to be as pretty or as skinny as "insert classmate." Maybe everyone was like that. But the world tries to blame it on TEEN magazine, and I am just being real with you that I don't think it played as big of a role.

I definitely told my childhood best friend once that because she was The Skinny as a child she would be The Fat as an adult and because I was The Chubby as a child I would be The Skinny as an adult. I think I was 10 when I said it. I have an awesome memory. I could go into further detail if it was necessary, like what we were wearing and where we were standing, but you don't care about that so I won't. Memories are like pictures burned in my head and that is one that stuck for sure. I was wishing to be The Skinny more on myself more than I was wishing her to be The Fat. She is The Skinny by the way, you know, in her adulthood. And we aren't friends. Maybe cause I was mean about The Skinny, probably more because we have nothing in common though.

My father, everytime I say I was The Fat (or The Chubby rather) as a child, he is all like "that is RIDICULOUS." And I am all like, "then why did you let everyone say that?" But I don't actually say that to him because his memory isn't as good because he has apparently blocked out that he said it too. Which is probably the worst. Probably why I have never made it to The Skinny. Or maybe rather than probably. I don't blame my life or my thoughts or my insecurities on my parents. That would get me a ticket straight to Dr. Phil, or Montel, or one of those other awful trashy televsion people. Cause our drama is television worthy for sure. But I loathe them, the Dr. Phil people of the world and those who go on his show. Weirdo's I tell you. Way weirder than just trying to figure out The Skinny.

I want you to love yourself just as much as I want to love me. Except I could probably look at you and tell you all of the things I think are beautiful about you. Inside and out. It is the inside beauty that counts anyway right. That's not what you talk about behind your friends back though. But they wouldn't be your friend in the first place if they didn't love and support and were fun to be around every once in a while. And my friends think I am nice and fun and kind and funny. I think all of those things too. In fact I could talk all day about how I rock out as a human being on the INSIDE. Maybe even brag a little. Going back to the above, I could tell you none the less about your Skinny and how awesome I think it is for you and how your insides shine out to make you even Skinnier and prettier. In my adulthood I have realized that you tell me too sometimes. When a picture turns out "cute" in your eyes. Or I look "The Skinny" to you.

I have found what sticks more, or I what we all care more about is the NEGATIVE comment, but if its positive we brush it off. For me it is because I don't believe you. You tell me that and then turn your head and tell our other friends that it is sad to you that I work out as much as I do and I still look this way. Whatever way that is, apparently it is not up to your Skinny standards. Whatever that means. So I am trying not to care what you say either way and just love me on my own. You are just trying to find your Skinny too. My skinny, will never be 5'7 and 107 lbs, this I know for sure. But my Skinny is there, already inside of me just waiting to look at my nakedness in the mirror and blow kisses at how awesomely Skinny I am...outside and in. :)

I would love your thoughts on The Skinny. Whatever they are. Even if you are pissed at me because you think I should care more about being a great parent (already do thank you), or a wife (check), or a good driver (perfect record thank you), or, or, or. I still want to hear your thoughts. :) If you don't feel comfortable leaving a comment, email me at

Monday, July 6, 2009

Surprise...You're 30!

I talked a while back about how P-Daddy got the lovely gift of landscaping for his (what was at the time) big upcoming birthday. Well that birthday has come and gone (tear) and I have been a little fuzzy (seriously took me longer than it should have) since the festivities to get on here and blog about all the fun we had!

Birthdays have ALWAYS been a big deal in my family. They really weren't for P-Daddy growing up so when we celebrated his first birthday together (7 years ago...cannot believe it) he was amazed and humbled at all the excitement I tried to create. It is the one day in the calendar each year that is just about YOU so I think it should be celebrated to the fullest!!

P-Daddy is also the first of all of our friends to turn the BIG 3-0 so we had to kick off our 30's with a bang right? Well...even if we didn't have to...we did! As many of you know, I am a planner so his party was in the works for MANY months (or maybe even a year!!) I will blog here about the planning as I don't want to bore those who aren't interested on the details...

This was a surprise party, and after MUCH doubt...P-Daddy was truly surprised!! I didn't get a good picture of that, but I did manage to acquire many, many others. Some flattering, some not but you know what? We had a great time! A GREAT time and a Kodak moment is a Kodak moment whether it makes us look glamorous or not, right?! I guess that's what great friends, family, Sam Adams, and Yagerbombs will lead to! :)

Happy Birthday again and again to my best friend, partner in crime, coolest daddy on earth, the true love of my life...can't wait to see what the next 30 years brings us!