So I am having a girl as you all know by now.
And I am so excited.
But I am also so scared.
Women are so hard on themselves (including this woman). And I was hard on myself as a girl, teen, and young adult too.
So I was at a baby shower today of a friend who happens to also be having a girl. There were 34 other beautiful women there...some I knew, most I didn't from all walks of this friends life. I listened (probably looked creepy but whatevs) to these girls talk about their jobs, their friends, their lives. I find people so interesting so this is always fun for me...you know to be the creepy one listening in! HA!
Anyway...then it came time to take the group photo. We all gathered on this pretty staircase and that's when it started.
"I would prefer to be in the back"
"Please take this shot from the waist up"
"Could you hide my hips"
...and those were just a few.
I have to admit that earlier at this same shower one of my friends and I were discussing our Christmas cards and I sooo said I hate having my own face on them as I criticize almost all pictures of myself. To which she replied "oh whatever you are soo freaking photogenic"...to which I replied "oh no I am not"...but then followed it up with "I do realize that I am my worst critic." And I look back at that conversation and just want to stop myself and say instead "THANK YOU."
In her eyes, perception is probably reality. Meaning in her eyes I AM photogenic. And paying someone a compliment like that is extremely sweet. Next time, I promise to say thank you. Whether I believe it or not.
Speaking of BELIEVING it...I actually have come a long way from the days where I would look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I actually do like ME. Even my growing a** from the baby growing inside of me. :) Even that. And that, my dear readers is a HUGE STEP for this girl.
But this brings me to the responsibility I feel to my unborn daughter.
I realize that society will play a part in how she looks at herself.
I realize that I (and P-Daddy) will play the LARGEST part.
Yes, this may sound or read as if I am only focusing on vanity. But if you are a girl and you are reading this, you know what you think about yourself to the core of your being. And it starts with what you are looking at in the mirror. Yes, sure you may see wrinkles and not love them...but if you look at your eyes you see your core. This is what I am talking about. And you may not really be able to pin point WHY you feel the way you do but I can tell you from all the therapy this girl has had...it came from your family. And how you feel at the core of yourself does spill out of you. Whether you like it or not. Like when you are 30 something and have to take a group picture at a baby shower.
My husband, by the way looks at himself fondly in the mirror every single day. And always has since the day I met him. And I love this quality. He likes himself. I want both my kids to feel this way too.
So as I am aware this CAN be something men deal with, I know this IS something women deal with.
When I hear friends who already have little girls criticize them I cringe. They hear you is what I want to say. You are shaping them NOW. And I don't think calling a 2 year old chubby is ever okay. Mostly because its just allowing YOU to think its okay to say it later too.
So I may be a bit sensitive because of my own experiences...and I may take this way too seriously for some...but no matter your thoughts of what I am writing if you are a woman...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and you know how it affects YOU!
I have always said "you do better when you know better." And we all know better. We are all smart, we have all seen the way this whole thing plays out. I want our baby girl to grow up and say "THANK YOU" to a compliment without even thinking twice about it. Because at her core, she knows that she is beautiful inside and out. I want her to truly love herself.
By the way your parents did the best they knew how. Just as mine did. We all carry our baggage and unfortunately this is given to our children. I don't blame my parents as what good does that do? I just want to learn from my own experiences. And NOT repeat history.
And so I am scared.
Because this is a HUGE responsibility.
For both our kids.
But believe me when I say I am thrilled to be given this opportunity. To be a parent. To love my children and show them how to love.
Dear God thank you for the gift of my children...help me do your will along the road of raising them! AMEN!
3 comments:
It's as if you were sitting in my living room a few nights ago. I just had this exact conversation with Nick thinking about Ella. It really freaks me out. We also talked about how much she will watch and look to me as she grows up. It scares the crap out of me b/c I think things have gotten even worse since we were younger. Hope you are feeling well these days and enjoying eating all the yummy food you want around the holidays. :)
Right there with you sister....I have such anxiety over these topics, knowing they will also probably be hard on each other. Jenny gave me this awesome book, that I LOVE...."Perfectly You, by Julia Taylor" I think every mama should read it to their kids, then try and have their actions match their words! Love you!
this is so powerful. I hope things change by the time our kids are old enough to start looking at their bodies. I don't have much faith that it will be much different though.
Love to you. Even your wrinkles.
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