Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Its about time...

I know its been WAYYYY too long since I shared the cuteness of JD. Or updated you on his life and social calendar. So here it goes people. Get excited.
Just call him Farmer JD because he would MUCH rather be "mowing" than doing ANYTHING else!

He met Sid the Science Kid...a current favorite.

Had his very first hayride that he LOVED because a tractor pulled us!

Went to the driving range for the first time with Daddy!

Had girls in our bed for the first time! Luckily it was just to wake him up from a nap because they were their for his birthday party and he was sleeping through it!

Went to the pumpkin patch and rode on the moo train. Again, pulled by a tractor so you really can't go wrong!

And he is still avoiding taking a nice picture with his momma! Pretty sure this is always going to be a struggle! :)

Happy Fall everyone!

Thursday, October 21, 2010

How Are You?

My mind is rather full right now. I have an overly active brain as it is and then with the extra blood flow because of being prego...well, to put it nicely, the brain is on overdrive.

It doesn't feel any different than my normal over-active brain but I know with the amount of stuff I have swirling around, it is. And also what kind of stuff. Its everything from the national attention on bullying, to worrying about JD (normal), to thinking about exactly how I should re-arrange, oh, you know, the WHOLE house, to what I will wear for Christmas Eve mass and, and, and. Insert any topic and its probably running through my brain.

And I already have the perfect dress for Christmas Eve mass. But I still wake up in the middle of the night and think about how the ENTIRE outfit will look together. So I guess in the end it better be great cause its only October! :)

But honestly, mostly I think about the people closest to my heart. And this is NOTHING new. A lot of women say "its so hard to put myself first, put myself on the list, think of myself." And yes, I find this hard too...especially after having JD. And yes I went through some serious "where did mamalouise go/identity crisis" stuff. But I believe I came out better for all of that so I don't dwell.

It is not in my human nature to think of myself first. I would MUCH rather ask how you are and talk about you and your life and your cheers and fears. MUCH rather. If you read my diary I kept from 5th grade through high school you would know that this is so true its a bit ridiculous. I read my middle school diary somewhat recently and in most posts I wrote how I was worried about so and so and needed to pray for so and so.

I am this way to a fault.

Now that doesn't mean I can't dominate conversations like the best of em. I can. And that is not my best quality. Even though while dominating I am most likely just trying to help by sharing a story from my own personal experience that I think may be a good parallel. NOT EVERYONE WANTS HELPED MAMA! But my brain always goes there.

Sometimes, no more than sometimes I think I would have been better suited as a therapist.

I have lots of personal stories to draw upon. Believe me. I was telling one just last night to a few friends at dinner (my dad going to jail one) and even as I was sharing what I have shared a million times I still thought to myself (this doesn't even sound real...I bet this friend of mine is questioning how truthful this all is). And yet the whole thing is real and true. So anyway I kind of have the shock and awe stories that have to make people feel better about their current situation, right?

On a side note, I think this is one of the reasons I have issues with liars. Why would people make up stories about their own life/experience for a shock and awe type of reaction? Coming from someone who has lived through some actual shock and awe, its insulting.

P-Daddy told me the other day how awesome he thought it was that I could laugh about my family's dysfunction. That he believes a lot of people would walk through life bitter and defensive if they had lived through some of the same stuff I have. And its funny, because the word bitter has NEVER even crossed my mind. The feeling bitter has never been in my soul.

I feel blessed actually. I feel blessed to have a life story already.

To have known what I wanted before entering a marriage because of seeing my parents mistakes...

To be able to help friends (and sometimes complete random strangers that I get into weird conversations with) with my story...

To have been adult enough to demand that I go to the college I want when I had very little support from my parents at age 17...

To live through a lot of adults in my life acting more like children than adults and having to pick up their pieces...

To know that I never want to have any sort of permanent addiction because I have seen what doing anything in excess can bring you...

To have already felt somewhat prepared as a parent because I have somewhat already been one to my brother...

I look at everyone and see their beauty first. Sure, once I get to know you I may see the demons you have too but I always see the beauty first. I could give a 45 minute (minimum) speech on every one of my friends and tell them all of the beautiful things about them. The things they see, and the things that they don't.

My point in sharing that is because I guess P-Daddy was right, I could have been the girl to have wallowed in her family's dysfunction. And yes, I am in therapy. Its one of the most selfish things I have done in my life to date honestly. That and smoking way too many cigarettes for too many years. Therapy just helps me see the beauty within my family, my story. It doesn't make me bitter.

I have ALWAYS said that God put me on earth so that I could help others. That everything that has happened in my life was only so I could help others with their trials. I am so glad that He also gave me the strength to laugh, cry, yell and even scream through all of my experiences.

Please know I have my days. I HAVE my days. :) I am just so freaking lucky to have found P-Daddy. To be able to be sharing my life with someone I truly enjoy spending time with, who is my best friend in a sense that no one has ever been to me (and its not because he gets to make sweet love to me-HA!!)

And for my take on the bully's and bullying...bully's have more pain than they know what to do with and that sucks. The bullying they do sucks worse because they are hurting others in their pain. And its a no win situation because there is always two victims in the end. I know the world doesn't see the bully's like that but I do. They were already hurting for some reason and decided to inflict pain on someone else...and then they hurt someone to the point of killing themselves in some cases and now that bully has to live with the pain they already had AND the fact they lead someone to death. Its awful. Parents need to hug their kids more. Get off their Facebook page and hug their kids more.

Oh and I think some of this said bullying is complete crap (the ones that make the news that don't end in death) I think it is over-reacting, sue happy, want to be famous parents who jump at any opportunity. Sad truth.

So blog stalkers...How Are You today?

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

This one almost reads like an agenda or checklist...but it is sooo not

First things my left you will see a brand new poll on whether or not Baby #2 will be a boy or a girl. Only 29 days left to vote your blog stalker thang and cast your vote today! Go Baby Dumas #2! :)

Second things second. We had some of our friends over on Friday night and it was so much fun! By SOME of our friends I mean my college girlfriends and their significant others. It has been FOREVER since we were all together so I was extra excited! The boys sat in our living room and watched the Reds game (or tried) as we did our usual thing and yelled over each other trying to just get a word in edge wise amongst ourselves. This is normal, right?

I did realize a few things worth sharing from that evening.

One is I couldn't have a more diverse group of friends by means of personalities. I am pretty sure everyone was offended at least once by another's comment throughout the evening, including comments that I am sure I made. We are ALL definitely not afraid to use our First Amendment right with each other. Although this is nothing new to the group it still shocks me a little every time we are together.

Another is I am not doing a very good job when it comes to being myself as a Christian amongst my friends. I realized that they don't see me as a religious person at all that evening (because yes religion came up) and I am disappointed in myself.

And finally I realized that one of the reasons we don't get together that often anymore is because we all don't have a lot in common anymore. This is probably one of the saddest factoids. However, I don't walk away from this realization sad at all...because all of those beautiful and talented ladies are wonderful people and friends. And we will always have our get togethers. Just not Desperate Housewives style where it is in the neighborhood and we have our morning coffee together. Its a lot more like we live in separate cities and our get togethers are to catch up on each others lives. Which is probably the "normal" for a lot of people. It just wasn't the normal for us for a lot of years.

I realized this summer especially how much I haven't let myself branch out from these girls because I didn't want to offend any of them. I realized this because I did branch out...and found myself having a lot of fun with other friends...friends that have been around for a lot of years that have had the patience to stay in my life without me putting much effort in until recently. Its just that I never really let other friends IN. Because I had MY circle of friends. I was cheating myself by not being REAL friends with anyone else besides the ladies I once lived on Hampton Drive with (well them and my Dvegas girlfriends-but my Dvegas friends are a breed of their own because I never had trouble letting them in...and they all have known me since I was 10 or younger even, chubby, boy haircut, you know the lovely awkward years).

I think its because it took me a long time to really let my college friends in. My life in college to many of my now close friends seemed at one time (because they have told me) as careless and care free. And there definitely was a part of my college days that were exactly that. But behind the scenes, those who really got to know ME found that I had been an ADULT in my family for years and years. And I was in a lot of ways parenting my brother at the time. My carelessness and carefreeness was my release from my real life. Its also how I buried pain but that's for another day and another blog. But not everyone knew what they knew about me and my personal life and I have always revered their friendships...for being there when I was in a rough spot...helping find lots and lots of laughter and being a shoulder to lean on.

So in many ways I feel grateful for all of the above. That I have these amazing women in my life that are great friends... but that I have many others in my life that I have finally let IN and am having so much fun with. Yes I still have fun with my college friends (reread above). Lots of it... we have had some amazing times and I know we have more amazing ones in our future.

I have to be somewhat careful in writing this because a lot my college girlfriends read this (hi ladies) and again I was so fiercely loyal to them for so many years that its somewhat hard for me to be so honest. Even with myself on this subject. I sat in bed and thought long and hard about this blog and realized that my favorite blogs are ones where I am here I am.

I feel fortunate for all the wonderful people in my life and love them all dearly. I just love to share my thoughts in hopes that I can help another. And I am quite sure that I am not alone in trying to stay true to my friends, those friends drifting a part, struggling to let new friends in and balancing life, friends, family, God, work, kids. And that is all I have to say about that.

Monday, October 4, 2010

Who has two thumbs, a new found love of strawberries and is growing at the age of 29?


Hmmm....wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see, I have spent the past 15 weeks being nauseous, craving lots and lots of fruit and cereal, gained some weight, my breastesses are large and in charge, I am starting to seriously look at wearing elastic wasted pants....

...thats right folks, this girl is PREGNANT with Baby #2!! I know, right?! We never thought I would do it again!! But alas, I am going down the long 40 week road of the gift of pregnancy. And am trying to embrace all the lovliness that goes along with it.

I didn't blog when prego with JD so this is new territory for me. I only took ONE photo of me and my prego belly with JD, and am planning on reluctantly doing the same with this babe. So really, no fun for you on that front. BUT I am sure I will share some lovely details along the way.

First up will be if this babe is a boy or a girl. And that, dear readers is a detail that I am NOT patiently awaiting this time around!! I want to know so bad for some reason!! And I think its because everyone near and dear to me has decided I am having a girl (gasp). Oh and the reason for the gasp is that P-Daddy is one of 3 boys, there is all boy cousins (one girl somewhere in there), I only have one brother, my mom had I kind of always assumed I would just have all boys. It really never occurred to me that I would EVER have a girl. So they all have me curious and interested that it could actually be a girl. And be prepared if it is...I will literally start peeing in pink I think. :) But this will FOR SURE be uncharted territory for me, for US!

So for now we wait. We find out this detail in November and that feels like a year away (dramatic). But we are thrilled, blessed, and so excited to share this news with you and you and you!

JD is so excited he agreed to a photo shoot. :)