I am pretty sure that when I stood in front of my sorority on senior night LMAO about how my favorite movie was "Ernest Goes to Jail" because that is my fathers name and he had really been to jail I made people uncomfortable. It was a joke obviously, about that being my favorite movie and all. Its not.
I have definitely called my son a nightmare to friends. The looks were priceless. Again, uncomfortable. I mean really, he can be a nightmare, I can be a nightmare, most of them can be a nightmare too. Why can't I just be honest? Without the looks.
No one really likes it when I am honest about my pregnancy either. You know the part where I bled out something they think may have been JD's twin? Or when they told me he had a calcium deposit in his heart and that he MAY have down syndrome? Or when they told me that I have a heart shaped uterus and this may mean I won't be able to carry my son to term? That makes people uncomfortable.
It REALLY makes people uncomfortable when you call them out on their uncomfortable truth. So I really try and avoid that. Although my brain doesn't avoid it at all. I think about calling people out all the time. Because I.DON'T.GET.IT...or at least my brain doesn't understand why we all can't be honest.
I think when I use the "F" word a minimum of 10 times in one sentence makes some uncomfortable. I kind of, sort of understand this one. But I am so not going to stop.
I have noticed that asking my friends about how they are doing makes them uncomfortable. The question I get back a lot is, "why?" Ummm because I want to know how you are doing that is why. Because I care that is why.
Again, asking others about how their hubby or significant other the older we get makes people uncomfortable too. Most of the time I don't get a real answer. Which leads me to believe they don't want me to think that their relationship isn't what it always was (insert mental photo of them saying their "I Do's"). I know better. I AM married, remember. That's why I am asking. Aren't we supposed to be there for each other? And PS I want you to be happy in your marriage. I want you to have great sex and lots of it. I want your husband/boyfriend to tell you how awesome of a person you are. And I want you to tell me if he isn't doing this. Because maybe just maybe I can help. Or at least lend an ear. And offer cocktails.
You know what makes ME uncomfortable? That I grew up thinking things like religion, politics and abortion were the subjects too taboo to discuss. So I avoid them, for the most part at least. In fact, all of those "taboo" items are funny to me because I don't really care about them at all. I may think you are a bit close-minded if you won't listen to other's opinions, but if your beliefs are different than mine I don't care. In fact, thank God. How boring would life be if we all thought the same way?!
I digressed because I got off on a tangent on the taboo thing (go figure). The REAL taboo, turns out is that every one's truth is uncomfortable. Especially to discuss. Out Loud. And that makes me uncomfortable.
I would rather sit and have coffee and talk about my truth, your truth so help us God than talk about bullshit. Bullshit makes me uncomfortable. The FBI raiding my house does not.
Anyway...I had just been thinking about this. Its nothing personal to anyone in particular. Its just life I guess. I like that I use my voice and that my own experiences don't make me uncomfortable. I appreciate that my family, as dysfunctional as we were/are, allowed me to FEEL and be honest about my feelings.
I like that I am a person that doesn't really care if my life appears perfect to everyone. I think perfect sounds miserable.
I like that my son is a nightmare sometimes. Makes for good conversation as far as I am concerned. Makes me a better mom too.
The only thing that made me uncomfortable about my pregnancy was the weight gain and stretch marks. The other part was very scary. Scarier that I couldn't talk about it without making everyone uncomfortable. I have a healthy son. So the pregancy was just a part of my life story.
And my dad going to jail...well that sucked. His gambling habits caught up with him and he was the fall guy in the midst of many other gamblers. I hate that for him, the jail part. I hate that for my family too and all we went through. But I know all of it happened for a reason. And I know I am who I am because of all of my experiences, including this one. I have chosen (with the help of a fabulous therapist) to enjoy the messiness in life.
Speaking of therapists (insert my own ADD right now)...talking about going to a therapist makes people REAL uncomfortable. By the way, you all should go to one. Its the best gift you will ever give yourself. Believe that!
(and I am back from ADD land) Personally I think we would all be better off if we got a little bit more UNCOMFORTABLE and a little more REAL. But that's just me.
I am so going to get a lot of phone calls after this one. HA!
9 comments:
I thoroughly enjoyed this! I, too, like the honesty more than the BS. I hate that it leads to the uncomfortableness, but the truth must be told! I often get a "you really told them that" comment from my husband when I am retelling a story. ha. Great post!
....I just looked back at my comment. Is "uncomfortableness" even a word?!?!?! Regardless, you know what I mean!
Yes, my friend, but when you learn to embrace the discomfort, you learn so much more, right?? :-) My kids are nightmares too....
Stephanie I am so excited you are reading this here blog! I have stalked you forever! :) And "uncomfortableness" is so a word! :)
Aimee, agreed. But I am thinking you are speaking to the public here as I am pretty sure I am the one making most uncomfortable...
This made me laugh so hard, love the honesty! If only everyone were that honest....
Great Post!
Who are you anonymous?? You know I am curious!! And you flattered my writing so I need to know you! :)
After reading mlouise's post and seeing that three of my dearest friends in the whole wide world are all commenting together I know that I may be the one that turns uncomfortable when the questions are directed towards me. Not so much when we're talking about anything happening to any one of you b/c I love to hear it all, but I'm not as much of an open book I guess. But the three of you draw it out of me, everytime we talk. I get diahhrea of the mouth, and that's one of the reasons why I treasure our friendships and love you guys so much. I totally agree with everything ML said and love it, and I hate the BS conversations too.... I think those make me more uncomfortable than anything to be honest.
Miss you all!
This is a beautiful post, and so full of truth.
I had the maybe twin baby bleeding thing too. It was horrifying. Not uncomfortable. Terrifying. OMG it looks like a crime scene all over the bedroom and hallway and bathroom terrifying. Not one bit uncomfortable.
And my kid can be a total asshole. And I'm not afraid to admit it. All kids can be assholes, and if people would just come together and say it out loud we could start banding together as mothers and start dealing with it. Having a pain in the ass kid is no mark on the parent. Kids are supposed to be pains in the asses. Admitting your kid is a pain in the ass is no mark on the parent. It's just telling the truth and trying to reach out a bit.
Marriages aren't the same as weddings. They aren't all flowers and champagne and beauty and polish. No one's is. And just like parenting, wifing should be something we all do together so we can get thru it a bit easier.
I love when you post like this.
Michelle...let's be honest ;), this was perfectly said! It's true, the truth definitely makes people uncomfortable, and we all get uncomfortable at times, but getting thru those times makes us stronger and better people. I think you hit the nail on the head with this post..I can often relate to your "What'd I say??" type of thinking b/c I'm pretty open with my words and experiences. I don't know if I even have 3 secrets!! Job well done here. Bravo (golf clap!)!
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