Soap Box

I am on my soap box this morning (and really in general) about lying/liars. I know, we are all human and we all lie. But for me, even little white lies make me feel awful so I try and avoid it. I think when you have children the lying goes to a whole new level. Probably because all of us mothers (even though most of us say and even think we despise this) compare our children. And ALL of our children will do things in a different order. I realize that just from reading all of your blogs. JD doesn't say anything but "hi" and "dada" (in real life instances, meaning he waves at people and says his version of "hi" and looks at dad and says "dada"-to me those are the only ones that count) right now for instance, but he practically runs around the house (and anywhere else for that matter). Although when I was asked the other day if he says "ball" I answered "yes." Little white lie. And ever since I have felt awful about it. Awful because it doesn't matter whether or not he says "ball" or any other word for that matter and I lied to just make him look like "all of the other kids" around him. I am consciously deciding not to do this again.



There are little white lies that people tell and then their our actual full time liars in the world. I was chatting with my girlfriend Amy this morning and she was in a bit of a fit about a liar in her world right now. For those of us who are not full time liars, it is maddening to deal with a liar. I have dealt with a lot of liars in my day so the advice I gave her is to just let it go. Meaning no matter what you tell a liar, they will lie their way out of whatever lie they have already told you (My brain is tired just writing this, I can't imagine living this way). That is where the maddening part comes in for a non professional liar. You can't have "that" conversation with a liar. By "that" I mean a confrontational conversation. They will just lie their way out of it and confuse you to the point that when you leave the conversation you are even more angry because nothing was accomplished. Again, maddening.



The reason I am on my soap box about this is because this past weekend while visiting "home" (meaning Dvegas-that is what I will always call home) I dealt with a liar. A liar that I have had to deal with for the past 8 years. This liar comes in the form of my Papa President's girlfriend (we shall call her ZD).



ZD was absolutely great when we first met. I was a junior in college. She was fun to talk to, she was hip and with it, and she wasn't trying to be my mom in any sense of the word (all good qualities for a dad girlfriend). We were "friends." I didn't know any better because I hadn't really liked Papa President's previous girlfriend so I though the "friend" thing was a good place to be with his signifigant other.



Then the stealing/lying/more lying/bitchy woman came out of her shell. And here is the deal, its not important about what she lied about (because I honestly can't even go there), what is important is that she lied. And what completely sucks is that I liked her. I thought she liked Papa President and they seemed to have fun together and he seemed happy and I was into it.



There is a lot of pettiness that has come out of the lying. It actually came down to a confrontation with ZD right before P-Daddy and I got married. I told her how I couldn't believe what she had done and continues to do, that I knew she was still lying about parts of it and that she needed to come clean, that she played this bull crap with Papa President that I am the bad guy, that VP is the bad guy, that her she and her son were somehow the victims (my blood pressure is rising as I type). I let her have it. I balled through the entire thing because it does hurt my feelings to have someone so close to my father be so awful to my brother and I.



Communication is key right? That conversation should have got me/us somewhere right? Not with liars. Now they have to lie their way out of their already lie filled life. She could be friendly to my face (for the time being) as long we weren't in the presence of their friends. If the friends are around she is a cold beast to me. You know why? Because she has told them that I am a spolied little beast myself and that I am trying to tear Papa President and her apart. You should see the way those "friends" look at me. I avoid being around them at all costs. Because you know what I want to do? I want to tell them the truth. I want to get really really drunk and let the truth be told about who really is the beast and what she has done. But its not in me, I can't be that hateful. Which is funny, because she thinks and acts like I am hateful. You know why? Because she is a liar. Liars always convince themselves that they haven't in fact lied and that everyone around them is evil because they are calling them a liar. Maddening.



Here is where the buck stops. ZD had a problem that involved a lot of lying and stealing. Since we were "friends" she totally could have come to me and said "I have this problem, blah blah blah" and I would have probably been her biggest advocate in the "healing" process. She would have never been considered a liar in my eyes and anybody who tried to tell me otherwise, well I would have protected her. But life is what it is and the liar she became, and the liar she will always be. No honest steps have ever been taken to show any different so therefore she is a liar.



So Papa President is now thinking about getting married to the liar and I don't know what to do. She not only lies, she loaths VP and I (my father recently told me that she doesn't like it when VP and I are around because she doesn't like or is jealous at how close he is to his children-what??). Its complicated and Papa President is complicated but somehow he sees that this would be an okay decision (to marry her). And yes, he knows about the lying. I think he turns his head to the lying because he doesn't want to be alone.



This weekend was particularly awful because we had "family" pictures. She isn't one to hide when she doesn't like where she is and since her son wasn't in the photo (another day, another blog on that one) she was pissed. Somehow mostly bitchy towards me. Not my dad or my brother, or P-Daddy just me (and kind of JD). She said, and I quote about my 11 month old (because he was a bit crabby-only a 1/2 hour nap in the car and then only about 1/2 hour nap at my brothers and then we had to wake him up for pictures-so crabby) "wow, he has an attitude." Yeah because 11 month olds have been taught "attitude." She somehow was mean to just me because her son is an (insert f word)-up, I am to blame. Interesting...as always.



Believe me when I say that this is not even the half of it but its as personal as I can go and its more than I thought I could even bear to go. I pray often about her, Papa President, my relationship with her, her son, etc. I will continue to do so. For now, she is the liar. The liar that has somehow come into our lives and won't go away.



Every other liar I have had to deal with (mostly friends) were those that came in and went out of my life rather quickly. I couldn't take the lies, would always try to confront them and ask them why they lie about the weirdest things (seriously one gal looked me in my face and told me she wasn't wearing my sweater even though my initials were inside the sweater and it was somehow missing in my closet in the sorority house-c'mon!) they would lie about that too. Again, maddening.



This is just the beginning of the family drama (for those of you tuned into that portion of our blog)...I promised one was coming, just didn't know the FIRST one would be so personal. I will keep it a little more distanced next time! Because yes, the drama is deep around these parts! HA! Yes I have a sense of humor about it! You have to! Laugh with me through these blogs...its better that way!