How Are You?

My mind is rather full right now. I have an overly active brain as it is and then with the extra blood flow because of being prego...well, to put it nicely, the brain is on overdrive.

It doesn't feel any different than my normal over-active brain but I know with the amount of stuff I have swirling around, it is. And also what kind of stuff. Its everything from the national attention on bullying, to worrying about JD (normal), to thinking about exactly how I should re-arrange, oh, you know, the WHOLE house, to what I will wear for Christmas Eve mass and, and, and. Insert any topic and its probably running through my brain.

And I already have the perfect dress for Christmas Eve mass. But I still wake up in the middle of the night and think about how the ENTIRE outfit will look together. So I guess in the end it better be great cause its only October! :)

But honestly, mostly I think about the people closest to my heart. And this is NOTHING new. A lot of women say "its so hard to put myself first, put myself on the list, think of myself." And yes, I find this hard too...especially after having JD. And yes I went through some serious "where did mamalouise go/identity crisis" stuff. But I believe I came out better for all of that so I don't dwell.

It is not in my human nature to think of myself first. I would MUCH rather ask how you are and talk about you and your life and your cheers and fears. MUCH rather. If you read my diary I kept from 5th grade through high school you would know that this is so true its a bit ridiculous. I read my middle school diary somewhat recently and in most posts I wrote how I was worried about so and so and needed to pray for so and so.

I am this way to a fault.

Now that doesn't mean I can't dominate conversations like the best of em. I can. And that is not my best quality. Even though while dominating I am most likely just trying to help by sharing a story from my own personal experience that I think may be a good parallel. NOT EVERYONE WANTS HELPED MAMA! But my brain always goes there.

Sometimes, no more than sometimes I think I would have been better suited as a therapist.

I have lots of personal stories to draw upon. Believe me. I was telling one just last night to a few friends at dinner (my dad going to jail one) and even as I was sharing what I have shared a million times I still thought to myself (this doesn't even sound real...I bet this friend of mine is questioning how truthful this all is). And yet the whole thing is real and true. So anyway I kind of have the shock and awe stories that have to make people feel better about their current situation, right?

On a side note, I think this is one of the reasons I have issues with liars. Why would people make up stories about their own life/experience for a shock and awe type of reaction? Coming from someone who has lived through some actual shock and awe, its insulting.

P-Daddy told me the other day how awesome he thought it was that I could laugh about my family's dysfunction. That he believes a lot of people would walk through life bitter and defensive if they had lived through some of the same stuff I have. And its funny, because the word bitter has NEVER even crossed my mind. The feeling bitter has never been in my soul.

I feel blessed actually. I feel blessed to have a life story already.

To have known what I wanted before entering a marriage because of seeing my parents mistakes...

To be able to help friends (and sometimes complete random strangers that I get into weird conversations with) with my story...

To have been adult enough to demand that I go to the college I want when I had very little support from my parents at age 17...

To live through a lot of adults in my life acting more like children than adults and having to pick up their pieces...

To know that I never want to have any sort of permanent addiction because I have seen what doing anything in excess can bring you...

To have already felt somewhat prepared as a parent because I have somewhat already been one to my brother...

I look at everyone and see their beauty first. Sure, once I get to know you I may see the demons you have too but I always see the beauty first. I could give a 45 minute (minimum) speech on every one of my friends and tell them all of the beautiful things about them. The things they see, and the things that they don't.

My point in sharing that is because I guess P-Daddy was right, I could have been the girl to have wallowed in her family's dysfunction. And yes, I am in therapy. Its one of the most selfish things I have done in my life to date honestly. That and smoking way too many cigarettes for too many years. Therapy just helps me see the beauty within my family, my story. It doesn't make me bitter.

I have ALWAYS said that God put me on earth so that I could help others. That everything that has happened in my life was only so I could help others with their trials. I am so glad that He also gave me the strength to laugh, cry, yell and even scream through all of my experiences.

Please know I have my days. I HAVE my days. :) I am just so freaking lucky to have found P-Daddy. To be able to be sharing my life with someone I truly enjoy spending time with, who is my best friend in a sense that no one has ever been to me (and its not because he gets to make sweet love to me-HA!!)


And for my take on the bully's and bullying...bully's have more pain than they know what to do with and that sucks. The bullying they do sucks worse because they are hurting others in their pain. And its a no win situation because there is always two victims in the end. I know the world doesn't see the bully's like that but I do. They were already hurting for some reason and decided to inflict pain on someone else...and then they hurt someone to the point of killing themselves in some cases and now that bully has to live with the pain they already had AND the fact they lead someone to death. Its awful. Parents need to hug their kids more. Get off their Facebook page and hug their kids more.

Oh and I think some of this said bullying is complete crap (the ones that make the news that don't end in death)...as I think it is over-reacting, sue happy, want to be famous parents who jump at any opportunity. Sad truth.

So blog stalkers...How Are You today?