Sharing Time!

I am an oversharer. I overshare. The good, the bad, the ugly. I will share with you. I do it (most of the time) because I am a rescuer by nature. I want to help you. Are you going through something? I bet I have a story that's worse (in my head) or equal that will help. Or I hope it will.
I realized an obvious factoid the other day when I was oversharing. That no matter how well I overshare (or tell my story), no matter how detailed it is-no one really knows what it feels like/felt like to be me in that or any situation. Simple thought, complex emotion.

Its just a story to anyone I overshare with.

It was/is my life.

Essentially I am telling you so you can hear what it is to walk a mile in my shoes. So you know you aren't alone.

Never before have I thought about it this way and I don't know why. Especially because I am such an oversharer.

Hello-if you have read this blog long enough you KNOW I overshare.

In my hormonal state I think this came to mind because a LOT has happened since I had baby girl. Stuff that may have also happened to other people but that is still so personal that it can only be a story to them and it was my real life.a

Like Open heart surgery for dad.

6 additional days on the ventilator for dad because there were complications.

Dad being 2 and a half hours a way while I had just had surgery to get baby girl out of me.

P-Daddys dad having a procedure done.

Hospitals everywhere.

Oh and then Dad got married.

So just a lot. And so lots of stories to tell. Lots of people asking questions. Lots of me oversharing.

I don't like secrets. That's another reason I overshare.

The in laws didn't know my dad had been to prison prior to our marriage. I by no means kept it a secret- just never came up in conversation (and why would it I guess...but most of the time I would have made sure that people who are close to me know about this).

So when it DID come up the looks on their faces alone told how they felt. And that's why I don't like secrets. And that's why I overshare.

You can judge. But at least judge with all of the facts.

I think I used to overshare because I was scared of the judging.

Now I overshare because its part of who I am and I like me and I want to help you.

But in realizing that my stories are JUST stories to you I also realized that your stories are just stories to me. And that sometimes in my oversharing I am not LISTENING to you enough. And by you I mean anyone who I have overshared with. So I guess, you.

Lately I have been laying in bed at night thinking of all the things I want to overshare about.

Like my postpartum weight and how breastfeeding didn't really help. And that I don't love myself enough during pregnancy to not gain too much weight.

And like how I already quit breastfeeding and how that whole thing was good, bad, REALLY ugly (like my nipples) at times but so worth it. Even if it was for a short time. And I can't believe the guilt I feel about stopping.

Or the fact that I am looking forward to going back to work and how guilty I feel about that. I am telling you that being a stay-at-home mommy was hard but I think that being a working mom may just be harder. Because of the guilt and the guilt alone.

And how the worst part about getting therapy for yourself is that it makes you look at all the people around you totally different. How transparent they now are because of everything I have learned. And how I just want to shout from the rooftops what a gift it is to learn more about yourself and heal from any wounds you may have from life thus far.


And really, all of that oversharing is just my selfish thoughts that may or may not help you or you or you but they are the ones that I lie in bed at night and think about how I should blog about them.

And so I have.