Missing a little bit of that "Effortless" thing that used to be a part of my life

I like hard work.  I really do.  I love that feeling I get after I have cleaned my entire house and am sweaty and the house smells good and dinner is in the crock pot and the laundry is done.  I love that. 

I love when I have a huge project at work and its finally done and someone says they loved it.  Because I already loved it but its nice to know that your hard work is working for you.

Or how about when I took my child to the daycare at the gym for the first time in over a year and when I picked him up the babysitter ladies told me what a nice young man he is.

All of that is wonderful hard work paying off.  And I love it.

But today I need a little bit of effortless in my life.  That sentence probably doesn't make sense.  But its what I need so I am keeping it there.

I need a day where I can call my friend and we just talk.  We just go get coffee.  We don't need a reason.  We just exist as friends.  Because we like each other.

I need a day where I can leave my house to run an errand or have a little me time and everything is in its place when I return.  The kids, the house, the dishes.  And I just fall into the couch with my People magazine and watch mindless television and just exist for a moment. 

I need a day where I come to work and I put in my day and feel good at the end of it.  Accomplished.

I just need some effortless in my life.

I have a case of the Monday's if you can't tell.

And apparently I think its a good reason to blog.

We will see if it turns out to be. HA!

I think this is why I feel this way:
Woke up at 1:30 am, fed baby J.
Put her back to bed at 2:30am
Had to take a half of a Tylenol PM at 3:30 pm because P-Daddy was snoring so bad I couldn't fall back asleep from being woken up at 1:30am
Next thing I know JD is tapping me at 7am
My mom stayed with us last night so her dog is at the house.  Throw on clothes (or more clothes-I am not a sexy type sleeper-ha!), get JD bundled, me bundled and we take Pete (the dog) out.
Jacob has tantrum number one of the day because I wouldn't let him put on the leash.
Get the dog in.
Make JD his milk and get him a nutra grain bar
get the dog his food
make myself some coffee
JDs alarm clock starts going off (because he is supposed to sleep until that goes off). 
I run upstairs to turn it off and find baby J awake.
Get baby J. 
Change her diaper.
Give her Zantac. 
Feed her.
Get JD bundled again, get myself bundled and take Pete out to poop
Get JD dressed for school.
P-Daddy is now up and JD goes upstairs to talk to him.
I take this opportunity to pack JD's school bag.
Baby J has pooped. 
Change baby J's diaper.
Its 8:40. 
JD is leaving for school with Daddy.
My mom is up now and taking care of Baby J.
I go to the office, boot up my computer and start my work day.
Have first meeting with boss where I am told I didn't turn in my "best work"-probably right. 
Take notes. 
Doing it over.
Get a text from P-Daddy that JD had a complete meltdown when he was dropped at school
Still on a call/meeting with my boss.  And now he is telling me how unhappy he is with other peoples work.
Flip to now where P-Daddy is back home because he doesn't feel good. 
Struggling to keep JD down for a nap.
Have EOD meetings that I am preparing for.
Still have unbrushed teeth, pajama bottoms, my shirt I wore yesterday on and haven't brushed my hair.
I have a huge zit on the tip of my nose
I have a huge zit on the side of my nose where a mole is and I am sort of freaking out that something is wrong (just went to the dermatologist and nothing was wrong then of course).
PS-I have been zit free my whole life so this is pissing me off
The lawn needs mowed and P-Daddy is sick-guess who is doing that now?
Finish meetings at 5pm
Mow lawn.
Make dinner for JD.
Feed Baby J Squash and Rice Cereal
Bath JD
Bath Baby J
Put JD to bed
Feed Baby J last bottle
Put Baby J to bed
Eat something somewhere in there
Go back to work because I didn't have time to complete everything I needed to in the 8 hours I was in the den today
Make bottle for the middle of the night
Make coffee for the morning
Go to bed

*Note: I don't always do all of this. Sometimes P-Daddy wakes up with JD in the morning.  And the night routine is normally shared.  But not today.  And probably not tomorrow.  Cause when P-Daddy is sick, he is out and an additional person for me to care for.  Doesn't make me love him any less.  Just makes it a bit of a harder week for me.  All of that was brutally honest and hard for me to type but I am keeping it there. 

I realize that something at some point is gonna give.  Has gotta give.  I don't want it to be me.  Lack of sleep can do that to this momma.  Lack of sleep and the constant of the above.

And I pause for a moment and think "How in the HELL do the Duggars do it?"  And then I laugh at myself for thinking that because its so outlandish but seriously, how do they do it?

On top of all of the above.  I.never.stop.thinking.

Thinking about

if JD is in the right school or if I need to send him full time somewhere
if I am in the right job for me
If P-Daddy is happy (with his job, his life, me, sex, you name it)
Shit...if I am happy (with all of the above)
If I am spending enough quality time with Baby J
If I am spending enough time with JD
If I am spending enough time with P-Daddy
If I am spending enough time with me
If my boss is happy with that specific day
And then in the middle of the night I start making mental to-do's for the next day while I am not sleeping
If I am skinny enough for me
How am I going to get skinny
If my mom is happy
If my dads business is going to be okay through this recession
And then if my brother will be okay if the business isn't okay
If P-Daddy's parents are okay and healthy and happy
If my dad is healthy and okay
If I am being a good enough friend
If I am being a good enough sister
If I am good enough
If I work out enough, not for skinniness for healthiness
Then I think about it for the skinniness part
If I tell people my feelings enough
If I tell people my feelings too much
Then I think about what I wish I would have said to that person at work that talked down to me that specific day
Am I being myself
Are we saving enough
I literally could go on and on but I will spare you

and I know I am not alone.  Everyone has their own struggles.  Facebook is good and bad for me on this front alone.  Good because everyone seems to be so honest about their trials and tribulations on their status updates...most of which I find completely trivial and it makes me stop for a moment and be thankful that I am not a skank.  Ha.  Then bad because I start to feel guilty about all the feelings I have above because my life is so good.  And I am not a skank.

Needless to say I made a long overdue appt with the therapist today.  Or I at least emailed her.  Its time to go and have a good cry on her couch.  She is the one person on this planet that doesn't make me feel like my feelings about anything are trivial or bad.  And I need that right now.  Apparently worse than I thought.

Long overdue on a good rambling session don't ya think?

OMG I leave for a few months and Blogger goes and changes its interface and its all pretty and new and it makes me feel like I don't belong. HA!

I probably don't. 

I am sure I piss off the regular bloggers. 

But that's not what this is about now is it.

Apparently if you want to be all into FREE social networking you need to be okay with change.  Which is funny because people hate change.  And yet it seems all people are social networking.  Maybe Mark Zuckerberg is single handidly going to change that in the world.  Now that would be an interesting movie.

Can you believe my baby is 6 months old?  I am pretty sure I haven't REALLY blogged since she was an infant.  She is wayy too big.  And wayyy to sweet.  She is the kind of baby that if she was the first born you would for sure have a dozen.  You not me.  But she sure does make it tempting.

Oh but she doesn't really like to sleep.  So excuse me if I misspell words and sort of sound crazy at times through this post.  I am a bit dizzy and delirious most of the time now a days.

Worth it. 

And JD is FOUR!  How did that happen?  I am a mother of a child.  Not a baby.  Oh and speaking of that I have CHILDREN.  Not child.  Children. 

And yet I still act like teenager or 20 something most of the time.  Not with the drinking and the smoking.  But with my weirdness mostly.  And the laughing at my own jokes.  And the weirdness.

I can't wait until my kids can really appreciate their parents weirdness.  I seem to think they will totally dig it and will be laughing with US and not at us.  One can only dream.

And the reason I say "us" is because P-Daddy is just as weird and funny.  If not more so.  But don't tell him I said that because I like him to think I am the funniest and weirdest one around here.

I like to think that the two new hit shows New Girl and Up All Night are somewhat written about me and my life.  I am weird and funny like New girl (just ask me) and up all night is just my life! It just is, OKAY?! :)

So I mentioned this to some of my friends last week but think its definitely worth saying here.

I blogged a lot about how being a SAHM and how it was hard and all that jazz.

Who was I kidding?

Working mom status is the hardest.  And I will tell you why.  You work and have all of that responsibility and have to be on your A game and all professional and smart cause they don't care if you were Up All Night (see how I worked that in there...told ya) or still smell like spit up and snot...nope.  They need you at your best all the time. 

And then there is the guilt.  The mom guilt that you aren't there every waking second with your children ensuring that they know they are loved and adored and nurtured.

And then there is the pangs that you AREN'T there seeing every little amazing thing that your children do each day.

And then there is laundry, and cooking a HEALTHY dinner and trying to spend time with your husband and time for yourself and then there is your friends.  Basically you become a bad friend.  I will say it.  And then you have guilt about that.

And I don't have to get ready for work.  I am pj casual everyday.

And my mom watches our kids.

And every other week I have a cleaning service that changes my sheets and makes my home squeaky clean and beautiful.

And yet its still really hard.  Do I sound like I am complaining?

I am not.  I like my life (can't you tell?!-HA!).  I am happy with the decision to be working.

I am better when I work.

But the moms and dads out there that get up after no sleep and get themselves ready, their kids ready, drop their kids at a daycare somewhere and are at their desk by 8am.  Well, they are my new hero's.

Seriously.

Moving On...

I have officially diagnosed myself with a MILD (okay maybe moderate) case of OCD.  P-Daddy and I had the whole day to ourselves (basically) yesterday and we both decided to spend the day completely organizing our lives.  Relax cause we get no sleep..nahhh!  Lets maticulously organize the tool box in the garage (if you are wondering, no it wasn't P-Daddy-it was me), medicine cabinet, and our master bedroom closet.  Oh and don't forget loading up three large boxes of kids clothes (tear) for Goodwill. 

Or the fact that before P-Daddy and I had a little get-away I labeled all of Baby J's drawers and made the below (which is just one page of the entire binder I left for our precious babies caretakers that weekend). 

Not to mention that this month alone I have re-arranged our living room twice.  Last month-once.

Apparently OCD is currently how I am dealing with my issues.  HA!  Better that than Marlboro Ultra Lights right?!  Can I get an AMEN?

P-Daddy and I did get away recently to go and watch our great friends get hitched.  We made a long weekend out of it and spent some quality time with each other and friends.  It was awesome and much needed.

I haven't laughed that hard in a long time. 

At other people's jokes that is. 

I laugh that hard all the time at my own of course.

We have great friends. 

And that's all I got for today.

If you just smile

I noticed last night as I was laughing out loud at the rerun of Saturday Night Live we had DVR'd that my face hurt. I noticed this the night before too. Hurt like it did when I used to smile for hours through a Madrigal performance back in the day.

And then I smiled...again

Because I realized that my face hurt because I am smiling so much.

How fun is that?

I do have so much to smile about and I know this but knowing you have a lot to smile about and actually smiling about it are two different things people.

And I have been smiling so much, without even realizing it that my face hurts at the end of the day.

So blessed. So freaking, flipping blessed.

Here is a glimpse into my smiles...I hope it makes you smile too! Love my life!

PS-may need a reminder of this face hurting due to smiling so much business very, very soon if Baby J doesn't start to consistently sleep through the night pronto! :)

Which of your parents are you most like?

P-Daddy gets told ALL.THE.TIME he is "just like his father." Which isn't a negative thing at all, it just isn't true. :) But I let the family continue to say it because its their gig. And P-Daddy and his daddy look a LOT a like. Way more than the other bro's...so I see how that could throw them all off. Ha!



I look a LOT like my mom, minus her height. I didn't quite get to 5'11...I hang out at 5'5 (on a good day). But if you look back at pictures from when she was my age its a bit scary how much we resemble each other. And I am like her in a lot of ways.



For example, I make my friends mix CD's whenever an opportunity arises to do so. Momism for sure.



I also shop on the sale rack first, wear my heart on my sleeve and feel very comfortable cooking without a recipe.



But as a PARENT, lately I have realized I may just be my dad. I have been told I am "just like your father" several times in my life. Mostly when I am in an angry and stubborn sort of mood. Which paints a bad picture of my dad. He isn't bad just so you know. He does have a temper (not a scary one, just a normal type) and is very stubborn.



I actually love how my dad parented. He was strict but knew when to give a little. He worked really hard to provide for his family, but when he came home he would always play with us or work with us on our sports. In the summer he would find time to coach our teams and come to the pool to swim with us. He had a social life with my mom, for himself, but you knew that we were the most important thing.



I painted a REALLY pretty picture there...we were NOT at ALL a perfect family. He made LOTS of mistakes in his life that affected our family. But now that I am a parent I look back at THOSE things above and really appreciate that I had a dad that was there.



I am like him though in the way of being the strict parent. I am not afraid to yell. I am also not afraid to give lots of hugs and love. I am not afraid to sacrifice everything (even sleep, especially sleep) for my child(ren). I get a little short tempered when JD acts up over and over again. I work hard for their future.



This is just one of those funny little things in life I think. Looking back at your parents and seeing the good and the bad. Trying to figure out your own way but realizing there are things that they did that will be embedded in you forever.



I am glad I make mix CD's and wear my heart on my sleeve. I am also glad that I am able to be strict yet loving.



Which of your parents are you most like?

This Girl and Pregnancy

I have been thinking about this post for a while...you know with all the up and down in the night (gives me lots of time to THINK). I had lots to say when prego with JD but didn't blog...sooo thought it may be fun to think out loud a bit on what this 9 month gig is all about for what is probably my final pregnancy.

So I am literally just going to type what I think. May be a bit jumbled. May be brilliant. We shall see...

Pregnancy with JD was trying. Lots of medical weirdness and complications. Makes the whole process very hard. Made me a nervous nelly. Pretty sure it heightened the level of my control freakness with him when he was born healthy.

Avoided Pregnancy for almost 3 years due to this factoid.

Took me about 3 years to get off all the weight from the FIRST one.

My boobs stayed bigger. Good for P-Daddy, ehhh for me. Big boobs to a girl that never had much makes you feel fatter. But I will say my cleavage is gorgeous now. HA!

First trimester sucks for two reasons.
One-you are tired and feel like crap for 12-14 weeks.
Two-you are cautioned to not tell a soul about being pregnant because the chances of miscarrying your baby is so high.
Which really means there are THREE reasons to not like it because who wants to carry around the burden of the fact that you are pregnant now but for no rhyme or reason in a 12 week time frame you could just "poof"...not be anymore.

First 12 weeks drag for this girl.

When I see two blue lines or "PREGNANT" on a stick...I want to shout it from the roof tops. Such an exciting moment.

Second Trimester is bliss. Even with JD and the ball of stress I was. Baby girl has been much easier overall but the two of them made the second 12 weeks fabulous.

Belly looks like a pregnant person and not just a chub.

You start to feel their little kicks and punches.

You glow a bit.

And you aren't too big that doing anything like sitting down and standing up is a challenge.

The hormones that run through your body during this time frame must be some good stuff (aka they should bottle it-ha!) too because I worry a LOT less during this time frame.

We find out what we are having and get the blessed 20 week ultrasound.

Then you hit (overnight it feels) the third trimester. I feel, especially with this pregnancy that I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning and I was a lot rounder in the belly, it was harder to roll myself out of bed in the morning and baby girl gained at least two pounds.

I start to worry a lot too. If I don't feel her move (and was the same way with JD) for a second (okay probably longer than that) I start to worry that something is wrong.

I start to worry about the delivery and that her cord will be wrapped around her neck 4 times too.

I start to worry about the recovery of another c-section.

I start to worry about weird things like blood clots because of c-sections.

I nest like no other woman has nested. I nest hard.

I start getting so excited about meeting our daughter (our DAUGHTER!) and then get scared in the same breath that something could go wrong.

I don't like third trimester hormones. :)

I worry that each Braxton Hicks is a real contraction (as I don't think I had any real ones with JD) and that I am not paying close enough attention.

Did I mention I nest?

Did I mention everything is already washed, put in its organized place, and ready for her arrival?
Did I mention I am only 29 1/2 (yes I needed to get the half in there) pregnant?

Oh and the nursery is done.

And I am thinking about packing my hospital bag today. No joking around here folks. Move out the way...I am nesting.

Then I look at JD and cherish every moment with him (or at least try to) because his world is going to be rocked soon.

I was the oldest child. I know the responsibility you feel as the oldest. I don't want him to feel that yet (and I know he won't but my adult horomoned out brain is O.C.)

I can't wait to see him as a big brother.

I have loved this time as our family of three though. For us, I am glad we had it this way.

And I do think about and thank God about the fact that we have no troubles getting pregnant. That in itself is a gift.

I have tried to let the weight thing go. I have been conscious about what I ingest (although Christmas time was hard on this front), how much I work out, etc. But I have just tried to appreciate what my body is doing this time.

The deal is that no one can prepare any one gal what this will be like as it is different for everyone. And I like to go into a situation prepared.

The first time around hit me like a ton of bricks as I literally had always envisioned pregnancy as a very blissful time.

I was of course more prepared this time around but it still hasn't ceased to amaze me. It hasn't been blissful but its been niceR

Overall I am trying to cherish pregnancy this time around. Trying to breath, give it to God and enjoy the 9 month ride. I am just at the 7 month part and wish that God had created pregnancy to be 30 weeks instead of 40. :)

And yet another deep thought by this momma

So I am having a girl as you all know by now.

And I am so excited.

But I am also so scared.

Women are so hard on themselves (including this woman). And I was hard on myself as a girl, teen, and young adult too.

So I was at a baby shower today of a friend who happens to also be having a girl. There were 34 other beautiful women there...some I knew, most I didn't from all walks of this friends life. I listened (probably looked creepy but whatevs) to these girls talk about their jobs, their friends, their lives. I find people so interesting so this is always fun for me...you know to be the creepy one listening in! HA!

Anyway...then it came time to take the group photo. We all gathered on this pretty staircase and that's when it started.

"I would prefer to be in the back"
"Please take this shot from the waist up"
"Could you hide my hips"

...and those were just a few.

I have to admit that earlier at this same shower one of my friends and I were discussing our Christmas cards and I sooo said I hate having my own face on them as I criticize almost all pictures of myself. To which she replied "oh whatever you are soo freaking photogenic"...to which I replied "oh no I am not"...but then followed it up with "I do realize that I am my worst critic." And I look back at that conversation and just want to stop myself and say instead "THANK YOU."

In her eyes, perception is probably reality. Meaning in her eyes I AM photogenic. And paying someone a compliment like that is extremely sweet. Next time, I promise to say thank you. Whether I believe it or not.

Speaking of BELIEVING it...I actually have come a long way from the days where I would look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I actually do like ME. Even my growing a** from the baby growing inside of me. :) Even that. And that, my dear readers is a HUGE STEP for this girl.

But this brings me to the responsibility I feel to my unborn daughter.

I realize that society will play a part in how she looks at herself.

I realize that I (and P-Daddy) will play the LARGEST part.

Yes, this may sound or read as if I am only focusing on vanity. But if you are a girl and you are reading this, you know what you think about yourself to the core of your being. And it starts with what you are looking at in the mirror. Yes, sure you may see wrinkles and not love them...but if you look at your eyes you see your core. This is what I am talking about. And you may not really be able to pin point WHY you feel the way you do but I can tell you from all the therapy this girl has had...it came from your family. And how you feel at the core of yourself does spill out of you. Whether you like it or not. Like when you are 30 something and have to take a group picture at a baby shower.

My husband, by the way looks at himself fondly in the mirror every single day. And always has since the day I met him. And I love this quality. He likes himself. I want both my kids to feel this way too.

So as I am aware this CAN be something men deal with, I know this IS something women deal with.

When I hear friends who already have little girls criticize them I cringe. They hear you is what I want to say. You are shaping them NOW. And I don't think calling a 2 year old chubby is ever okay. Mostly because its just allowing YOU to think its okay to say it later too.

So I may be a bit sensitive because of my own experiences...and I may take this way too seriously for some...but no matter your thoughts of what I am writing if you are a woman...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and you know how it affects YOU!

I have always said "you do better when you know better." And we all know better. We are all smart, we have all seen the way this whole thing plays out. I want our baby girl to grow up and say "THANK YOU" to a compliment without even thinking twice about it. Because at her core, she knows that she is beautiful inside and out. I want her to truly love herself.

By the way your parents did the best they knew how. Just as mine did. We all carry our baggage and unfortunately this is given to our children. I don't blame my parents as what good does that do? I just want to learn from my own experiences. And NOT repeat history.

And so I am scared.

Because this is a HUGE responsibility.

For both our kids.

But believe me when I say I am thrilled to be given this opportunity. To be a parent. To love my children and show them how to love.

Dear God thank you for the gift of my children...help me do your will along the road of raising them! AMEN!

Its about time...

I know its been WAYYYY too long since I shared the cuteness of JD. Or updated you on his life and social calendar. So here it goes people. Get excited.

Just call him Farmer JD because he would MUCH rather be "mowing" than doing ANYTHING else!

He met Sid the Science Kid...a current favorite.

Had his very first hayride that he LOVED because a tractor pulled us!

Went to the driving range for the first time with Daddy!

Had girls in our bed for the first time! Luckily it was just to wake him up from a nap because they were their for his birthday party and he was sleeping through it!

Went to the pumpkin patch and rode on the moo train. Again, pulled by a tractor so you really can't go wrong!

And he is still avoiding taking a nice picture with his momma! Pretty sure this is always going to be a struggle! :)

Happy Fall everyone!

Who has two thumbs, a new found love of strawberries and is growing at the age of 29?

THIS GIRL!

Hmmm....wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see, I have spent the past 15 weeks being nauseous, craving lots and lots of fruit and cereal, gained some weight, my breastesses are large and in charge, I am starting to seriously look at wearing elastic wasted pants....



...thats right folks, this girl is PREGNANT with Baby #2!! I know, right?! We never thought I would do it again!! But alas, I am going down the long 40 week road of the gift of pregnancy. And am trying to embrace all the lovliness that goes along with it.



I didn't blog when prego with JD so this is new territory for me. I only took ONE photo of me and my prego belly with JD, and am planning on reluctantly doing the same with this babe. So really, no fun for you on that front. BUT I am sure I will share some lovely details along the way.



First up will be if this babe is a boy or a girl. And that, dear readers is a detail that I am NOT patiently awaiting this time around!! I want to know so bad for some reason!! And I think its because everyone near and dear to me has decided I am having a girl (gasp). Oh and the reason for the gasp is that P-Daddy is one of 3 boys, there is all boy cousins (one girl somewhere in there), I only have one brother, my mom had three...so I kind of always assumed I would just have all boys. It really never occurred to me that I would EVER have a girl. So they all have me curious and interested that it could actually be a girl. And be prepared if it is...I will literally start peeing in pink I think. :) But this will FOR SURE be uncharted territory for me, for US!



So for now we wait. We find out this detail in November and that feels like a year away (dramatic). But we are thrilled, blessed, and so excited to share this news with you and you and you!



JD is so excited he agreed to a photo shoot. :)

Your So Vain...

(sing it with me)..."you probly think this song is about you...your so vain (your so VAIN) you probly think this song is about you, don't you, DON'T YOU!" :)

So apparently Mr. JD got a hold of my camera the other day and learned himself how to take pictures. I say this because I plugged in my SD card today and up pops what you shall see below. The funny thing is there were about 40 total of he, himself and him! These are just the ones that you could see his pretty face! Kind of a fun surprise for mommy!

Also fun that he didn't break the camera while it was in his little curious hands! And pretty great that he didn't lose said camera while it was in his possession. Never underestimate the power of his creepiness! :)

Happy Friday!

Oh and sorry about the boogies in his nose...we are fighting something and as much as we try to keep on top of them, they are coming back faster than we can grab him and wipe him up. And remember, he was apparently roaming the house and MIA during this "photo shoot." (insert mom of the year award HERE).

Powerful

Yesterday was one of those days where you realize that life is fragile and God is in control. Yesterday was one of those days that makes you realize how much love runs through family. Yesterday was one of those days that makes you realize how powerful prayer can be.
Yesterday was one of those days that reminded me of how GOOD people can be.

Let me go back a few days actually...because its not just about yesterday...

About a week ago P-Daddy and I packed up the family truckster to brave the grocery store on a weekend morning. We had been playing with JD outside for most of the morning and our arms were really tired from swinging him so we decided this would be a good idea. I had laid my cell phone on my back bumper for play time and noticed it before we packed up, making a mental note I needed to grab it before we left. But I forgot. And we went on our merry way to the store and back home again. The store by the way is about 10 miles away. So we get home and I remember that I had left my cell on the bumper and forgot and we had driven off with it there. CRAP!!! But my optimistic self got back in the car with P-Daddy's cell phone and thought I would slowly drive down our street and down the main road of our hood on the off chance it was still out there and still in one piece. I did have a pretty sinking feeling in my gut that I was wrong though. Well...I drove down our street calling my phone and get to the stop sign at the end of our road and there I hear it. In the MIDDLE of the main road in our neighborhood, ringing. I get out of my car, walk over to my untouched phone, laugh, shake my head and say (out loud)"God I have NO idea why you are so good to me because I don't deserve it."

To you this may be silly because it is just a cell phone, and believe me when I say I completely realize this. It was just one of those rare moments where it was kind of a miracle that it was still in one piece based on where it was laying and it was going to be a real pain to have to get a new phone (and expensive) and I really felt God was saying "see I am in your life, even for the small things." (insert chills)

Flip back to the present...

It has truly been a powerful couple of days. We have been battling (made up) monsters in JD's room, lots of allergies turned into sickness (for me, JD, and Granbeck), lots of family in town, some days off of work for both me and P-Daddy, a dear loved ones surgery, lots of worrying, lots of praying, lots of laughter to break through the fear, and a huge blessing.

The surgery went well, better than well actually. And we are blessed. May we all see God's blessings through the good and tough times in our lives...the small and the big ways he shows us he is there.

Priceless

As a parent you find yourself doing things you never thought you would do. A few examples shall we?


Allowing your baby to take naps in their swing (guilty)
Sometimes having a potty mouth in front of your child (guilty)
Allowing your child to watch more than the recommended half an hour a day of television (very guilty)
Opening a box of cookies in a store just so he will stop screaming and disrupting the public (guilty)


Believe me when I say these are LIGHT examples, there are many, many more. The bottom line is you do these things mostly out of desperation, which doesn't make it OKAY and as a parent you know this....but it does help you survive the early days of parenting.


One of the things that P-Daddy and I were pretty convicted about not getting was a swing set for our yard. Mainly because they are VERY expensive, we don't have a lot of flat yard space and we have a neighborhood park that we can practically spit on (oh and selfishly they can be sort of an eye sore). Insert=eating your own words.



One of our neighbors has grown children, had one of these said swing sets and was looking to get rid of it. We actually looked into this for one of our friends who were interested in a swing set, not for us. But when he told us the price (umm think deal of the century), P-Daddy perked up and said "maybe we should buy it." I was all "WHAT?" Of course JD had walked down with us to our neighbors house and had already gone down the slide about a million times. He's a good salesman to his dear old dad.

So we made the big purchase. And after a much needed face lift we have the happiest boy on the block. To say that this purchase was priceless is an understatement.

This is the "after face lift" pic...sorry about the fuzziness...don't know what happened.

Sometimes its nice to eat your words.



Next up: Teaching JD how to SWING himself! My arms are tired. :)

A Little Bit of Chicken Fried...

...Cold beer on a Friday night, pair of jeans that fit just right, and the radio uuuuuuuuP! Oh yes, I heart this Zac Brown Band tune. And I didn't want to. Too twangy. But I heart it. Especially the part about a pair of jeans fitting just right...cause there is NOTHING better now is there?!





Last weekend we headed to northernish Indiana where my in-laws live (ahem, excuse me...where Grandma Principal and Grandpa Menard reside) for some Independence Day fun. Although we did NOT have Chicken Fried, we did have a LOT of food (breakdown below...yes it was THAT noteable) and it was really too hot for beer to stay cold so instead we consumed other forms of alcoholic beverages. :) P-Daddy has 2 brothers (ahem, Uncle Badgeman and Uncle Stinky) and they came along with Aunt Ricky and Rae Rae for a whole family affair of fun in the sun!

FOOD CONSUMED:
Grilled chicken tacos
fresh guac
a whole turkey was cooked for lunch meat
hot dogs and bratwurst purchased from a fancy butcher shop (only reason I mention this is that a. it was the best hot dog I have ever had and b. apparently this is due to the fact that it was a "no filler" real dog..hmmm, oh and...mmmmmm).
the biggest Cowboy Ribeye Steaks I have ever seen
Cheesy Potatoes
Baked Mushrooms
Salad (of 2 different varieties)
Brownies
grilled garlic bread
Cherry Pie
Apple Pie
Peanut Buster Bar Dessert (JD was not present)
Ribs
Green Beans
and a whole pork shoulder was also slow cooked but it really was not consumed...



...Needless to say I came home really full.



Oh but I did manage to throw on workout clothes and walg (walk/jog) with Rae Rae one day and walk the city of Rennsy with Aunt Ricky one day. As if it made a difference...



We did manage to squeeze into our swim gear and utilize their pool for some sun and fun. JD discovered that jumping off a diving board is a blast, and that lounging rafts are actually "boats" used for jumping off of, forward and backward somersaults (duh).

Us gals (and JD) also hit up the local farmer's market and a garage sale. No we didn't buy MORE food at the FM, but I totally would have if it hadn't been mostly closed up.

We did not manage to sleep well because it was a slumber part of fun with P-Daddy, JD, and me....in separate beds...in the same room. Oh I haven't told you before? Well, P-Daddy's old room in his 'rents home has twin beds and typically we choose to sleep in there. Call it nostalgic for my hubs or call it that we enjoy falling asleep like the people in the 50's did every once in a while (or that there is a tv in this room and we heart falling asleep to tv)...its our room of choice. So we squeezed in another twin bed on the floor this time, which somehow I got the pleasure of getting...and there you have it. Our family slumber party. I wish I could have gotten this shit show on camera somehow because (and I kid you not)...every night of our three night stay I was awakened in the wee hours of the morning to my son grabbing me and getting right in my face saying "I need to go pee." And then he was up at 5am because he heard Grandpa Menard (who chooses to get up that early) and wanted to go play with him.



...so I also came home exhausted...actually, we all did.

But it was a whole lot of fun. Kind of like a mini family vacation. Filled with lots of love and dysfunction.

Kick, Goo, Ma, Mom, Momma, Mommy

This year was (technically) my third mother’s day (totally counting the year I was cooking JD in my belly). Lets go back, shall we.

The first year, “the kick year” we shall call it, was interesting because I didn’t know if I was cooking a boy or a girl. But, really I did know I was having a boy. Well at least I had a hunch. At this point I thought I knew what it meant to be a mom, as I was already making sacrifices for my little one (insert me laughing at myself at this one). Turns out I had NO IDEA.

Year two, “The Goo” year, JD was 8 months old and was still not sleeping through the night on a regular basis. I was tired beyond belief and losing it a little I think. At this point I had given up my career, my bed, and lets be honest my sanity. I now knew what it meant to be a mom. At least a mom of an infant. :) That all sounds terrible, but if you are a mom and reading this you know it doesn’t at all feel terrible. It somehow is still amazing and rewarding, each and everyday. Trying, yes…but one little milestone that you know you had a hand in…even as little as a smile on their face…makes all the spit up and sleepless nights worth it. On this Mother’s Day JD also held his own bottle for the first time and we went to brunch as a family for the first time.

Last year, the “Ma, Mom, Momma” year where I was hearing those words from my little man on a regular basis had JD starting to become the little man he is today. That little man I grew in my belly who I found on THAT Mother’s Day walking around our yard, golf club in hand, swinging away at golf balls and bossing P-Daddy and I around. Although he couldn’t really talk…we were still bossed.

This year I am Mommy. When he says Mommy it makes him sound so grown up for some reason. Although I know eventually I will just be “Mom”…which is REALLY grown up…for now Mommy seems so mature-ha! This year as I reflected on JD’s life to date I am thankful. Yes, of his health and happiness. But more than that…I am thankful for the words he says (ahem the sentences he speaks), the confidence he possesses, his “dance like no ones watching” ways, the way he laughs at jokes that everyone else laughs at when he has no idea what the joke really was, and that when he walks into a room everyone notices. You know as a girl/teen/woman I always wanted to be that person that walked into a room and everyone noticed…I never knew that it would be SO.MUCH.BETTER to raise someone else to be that person.

We had a wonderful Mother’s Day twenty ten shared with all the Moms in our life! It was the first Mother’s Day where we all could be together and I have to say that I hope it is a tradition we keep forever. It was so nice to share that day with the ones we love. This year on Mother’s Day, JD said “Happy Mother’s Day” for the first time (insert-awwww).

Overall, becoming a Mother is soo not what I thought it was going to be. I used to be somewhat angry at women, mother’s for not preparing us with any advice other than “everything is gum drops and roses” but now I understand. I mean, to most people I am brutally honest when asked specific questions because I don’t want others to be as shocked as I was on certain things. But for the most part, the gum drops and roses really do sum it all up. It’s the silver lining for sure….and every day I feel blessed to have the title of JD’s Mommy.

You Give Me Fever

We sure have Spring Fever around these here parts. It was one busy week and I have to say I loved every second of it! We went from the dog days of winter (pretty sure that's not a real phrase but I am going to stick with it), being sick with the oh so fun stomach flu as a family (note: I do not recommend) to bright sunny skies, the mounds of snow still in our driveway officially melting, and lots of activities to enjoy...all in a weeks time! So...FEVER it is!



Because I am apparently so proud of all that was accomplished in this week (and maybe just a little bit hoping that the weeks ahead we be just as full, and blogging about it will ensure that right? :) I thought I would spell it out here. Read on if you wish...stalk pictures if you must. :)



Sunday kicked things off for me with a girls only Oscars get together. I have to say, this was so fun I could just (insert something funny right here...like pee myself or something). I haven't watched the Oscars with women in too long to even think about. Its just not the same with the hubs. He doesn't understand why I HATED Charlize Theron's dress, or SJP's hair...but they sure did. And we all judged together. And it was super fun. Totally doing this every year now.

Monday we went to the park in our neighborhood and then to Chick-Fil-A for dinner because Mr. JD was being a bit of a pickle (probably because he caught the FEVER too and I think its a bit overwhelming for a 2 year old) and they have an indoor playground. Funny story: everyone else had this idea too. Funnier story: a grandmother (who happened to have no teeth) decided to be super excited about our son. I am normally cool with this but she crossed the line and ended up making P-Daddy and I SUPER uncomfortable. She started with just wanting a hug from JD, then wanted him to say he loved her, then started tickling him...and then we left. I felt all yucky.

Tuesday JD had school while Aimee and I went to lunch at the hospital to visit Godmom. We never do this and it was so much fun! Jimmy Johns and good conversation in the middle of the day, love it.

Wednesday we had a scheduled Playdate with our group but only two of us could make it. So...we decided to go to a spin class together (we belong to the same gym) and then go to Chick-Fil-A with our kiddos and let them run out some energy (whats funny about Chick-Fil-A coming up twice in one week is that, well its just funny. We aren't really eater-outers) No creepy people were at Chick-Fil-A. Victory.

Wednesday night I went to the mall and bought more skinny jeans (and later wore them with flats...gasp I know...I already broke my "I won't wear skinny jeans with anything but boots that go over them" rule. I liked it though. I liked it a lot. I'm gonna do it again). I also had dinner with Gdub and JBU, sans children. Good wine, good food, great conversation. Lots of laughs. Don't be jealous.

Thursday morning I tried to go to this "body works" class that I adore at my gym (its weight lifting) but unfortunately because I didn't get there an hour early I was not able to attend (if you don't sense my annoyance with this please allow me to let you know right here and right now, this annoys me) so I did my own thang. Never the same though, never the same. Then JD and I drove to Dvegas (my hometown) to have lunch with Papa President and Uncle VP. So fun. Need to do that more often.

Friday P-Daddy took the day off and we took JD to the Children's Museum. Always a great time, always a great nap day. P-Daddy had never been with us so this was super fun for me to watch my boys enjoy this together!

Saturday we braved Walmart in the AM (and I have to say it wasn't bad at all) as we were trying to get some errands out of the way for our big trip we have coming up (more on that later). Nothing was really accomplished but we did detour to Marshalls and I found the perfect chair for my vanity in our bathroom. Uncle VP came over last night and we made homemade ribs, fried cauliflower and mushrooms. P-Daddy rocked it out with the ribs ("I had ribs for lunch, that's why I'm doing this"), they were DELICIOUS!

Today, well, if you don't know what today is then you are weird. Its Selection Sunday! We are throwing a little last minute party in honor of this event. Some pizza, some beer and the beginning of the best tournament there is. Go Bulldogs. I mean GO BULLDOGS!!

Happy Week. Happy Girl. Happy Spring!

Decade

Ahhh New Years Eve...the worlds most over-rated holiday (if I do say so myself). Don't get me wrong...I have had myself a jolly great time on New Year's before, but lets be serious...its HARD work to actually get to have fun on this day. The best New Year's I have ever had were when all of our friends headed to the hills of Indiana and rented a cabin for the weekend. I cannot explain to you how easy this is to do, and HOW MUCH FUN IT IS!! And even though we chose not to have plans this year...I still would pay serious dollars if someone called me today and told me that they had it all planned for me (babysitter and all) and could go there tonight with everyone I love.

But this blog is dedicated to the last decade as I thought it would be fun to review where we were and where we are now.

In the Years 1999/2000...
we both were a sophomores in college
I was a fair queen
P-Daddy drove a 1991 Honda Accord
I drove a car named Tyrone

Our favorite party of the year was called "Derby Days" (and in general our parties had names)
Both smoked too many cigarettes to mention...daily
We were both young and "in love"...with other people
We were not 21 (although P-Daddy was closer than I was)
I had a millennium party at my dad's house that ended with china broken, carpet ruined, and police. Wasn't even at all a little bit fun. And my dads basement still has a hint of keg smell in it...
P-Daddy went to see Mellencamp in brand new Conseco Fieldhouse with his friends and had the time of his life.
We both lived on Hampton Drive

P-Daddy traveled to Scotland for a family golf trip
Our favorite place to go was called Broadripple

In the years 2001/2002...
9/11 happened as I was sleeping comfortably in my bed in Indiana
I lived in a house we called "The Front Door"
P-Daddy and I started dating
I planned my first major event as an intern
P-Daddy interned for the local NBC news station
We Graduated college
both had our first jobs...and I had my second squeezed in there too
first big kid apartments...then I had my second (it was a rough go for a while-ha!)
I was FINALLY 21
P-Daddy and I played match-maker and it worked!

I spent New Years Eve with two of my greatest friends in Times Square
We went on Spring Break to a place we like to call "South Party Island" because everything is bigger in Texass (and I took the road trip of a lifetime while P-Daddy took the high road and flew).

In the years 2003/2004...
We were engaged and married
We traveled to the Dominican Republic, went on our first cruise, Martha's Vineyard and Las Vegas
P-Daddy changed careers

We got our first (and probably only) dog and named him Charlie
We built our first home
My mom got re-married
We attended countless weddings of amazing friends
P-Daddy was a best man
We bought 2 cars
the tradition of Friendsgiving was born

In the years 2005/2006...
We watched some of our best friends get married on a beach in Florida
I was a maid of honor for the first time
I was promoted to a job I loved
We celebrated our first year anniversary in Las Vegas
We traveled to Florida, went on a cruise, Puerto Vallarta twice, southern California, and Kansas City
We became Colts season ticket holders
We discovered yagerbombs
We built our second home
I bought my first pair of spanx

In the years 2007/2008...
We found out I was prego in early 2007 (and coincidentally our best friends found out the same day they were prego too...and then a few months later some of our other best friends found out THEY were prego...2007 was the year of the baby!)
We had the most beautiful and healthy baby boy
I trained for a half marathon and didn't run it
We traveled to Wisconsin and Florida (all by car...with our baby...do not recommend)
The Colts won the Superbowl

I started this here blog

We lost a LOT of sleep and I became a wee bit crazy for a bit because of it
Uncle Badgeman met his future wife (Aunt Ricky)
I left the job I once loved to tackle staying at home with our little JD

10 year high school reunions happened. P-Daddy skipped his, we celebrated like high schoolers at mine

We gave our dog away to my Papa President

And finally in 2009...
We celebrated 5 years of marriage by traveling on a cruise to the Bahamas (and having our first long period away from our son)

JD started pre-school
P-Daddy won his work incentive trip (which means if all the stars align we will be traveling to Italy in 2010!)
Uncle Badgeman married Aunt Ricky

P-Daddy joined his first golf league
JD was in his first wedding

I interviewed for, and was offered a great job with a great company...and I turned it down for greener pastures
P-Daddy was a best man

JD went trick-or-treating for the first time dressed as Donald Trump
I was a maid of honor again to another best friend

P-Daddy turned the big 3-0
We spent an exciting Christmas in Lake Tahoe, which included JD's first airplane flight (a whole blog will be dedicated to this later)
ALL of our friends that we watched walk down the aisle (or celebrated with after) are still happily married!

JD said his first words
We gave up yagerbombs

But as fun as that was to remember and write down...there aren't words to describe how awesome these last 10 years have been. "To God be the glory great things he hath done!" I hadn't really thought about the fact that we are ending a decade until I signed onto the internets the other day and MSN's ad was about the drama of the last decade. Which, lets be honest, there has been a lot of that for the rich and famous and the not so famous too. While we are on the subject I should mention that I don't believe the most notable is the death of Michael Jackson or the "indiscretions" of Tiger Woods. I think I am going with the innocent lives that were lost on 9/11 and how that affected the way our country is and will be forever.

I don't believe in New Years Resolutions because if you want to change anything about yourself or your surroundings, you will. So raise whatever glass you have in front of you and lets cheers to this New Year, this past decade, and the many decades to come! Cheers!

Oh and LETS GO BULLDOGS!