I like hard work. I really do. I love that feeling I get after I have cleaned my entire house and am sweaty and the house smells good and dinner is in the crock pot and the laundry is done. I love that.
I love when I have a huge project at work and its finally done and someone says they loved it. Because I already loved it but its nice to know that your hard work is working for you.
Or how about when I took my child to the daycare at the gym for the first time in over a year and when I picked him up the babysitter ladies told me what a nice young man he is.
All of that is wonderful hard work paying off. And I love it.
But today I need a little bit of effortless in my life. That sentence probably doesn't make sense. But its what I need so I am keeping it there.
I need a day where I can call my friend and we just talk. We just go get coffee. We don't need a reason. We just exist as friends. Because we like each other.
I need a day where I can leave my house to run an errand or have a little me time and everything is in its place when I return. The kids, the house, the dishes. And I just fall into the couch with my People magazine and watch mindless television and just exist for a moment.
I need a day where I come to work and I put in my day and feel good at the end of it. Accomplished.
I just need some effortless in my life.
I have a case of the Monday's if you can't tell.
And apparently I think its a good reason to blog.
We will see if it turns out to be. HA!
I think this is why I feel this way:
Woke up at 1:30 am, fed baby J.
Put her back to bed at 2:30am
Had to take a half of a Tylenol PM at 3:30 pm because P-Daddy was snoring so bad I couldn't fall back asleep from being woken up at 1:30am
Next thing I know JD is tapping me at 7am
My mom stayed with us last night so her dog is at the house. Throw on clothes (or more clothes-I am not a sexy type sleeper-ha!), get JD bundled, me bundled and we take Pete (the dog) out.
Jacob has tantrum number one of the day because I wouldn't let him put on the leash.
Get the dog in.
Make JD his milk and get him a nutra grain bar
get the dog his food
make myself some coffee
JDs alarm clock starts going off (because he is supposed to sleep until that goes off).
I run upstairs to turn it off and find baby J awake.
Get baby J.
Change her diaper.
Give her Zantac.
Feed her.
Get JD bundled again, get myself bundled and take Pete out to poop
Get JD dressed for school.
P-Daddy is now up and JD goes upstairs to talk to him.
I take this opportunity to pack JD's school bag.
Baby J has pooped.
Change baby J's diaper.
Its 8:40.
JD is leaving for school with Daddy.
My mom is up now and taking care of Baby J.
I go to the office, boot up my computer and start my work day.
Have first meeting with boss where I am told I didn't turn in my "best work"-probably right.
Take notes.
Doing it over.
Get a text from P-Daddy that JD had a complete meltdown when he was dropped at school
Still on a call/meeting with my boss. And now he is telling me how unhappy he is with other peoples work.
Flip to now where P-Daddy is back home because he doesn't feel good.
Struggling to keep JD down for a nap.
Have EOD meetings that I am preparing for.
Still have unbrushed teeth, pajama bottoms, my shirt I wore yesterday on and haven't brushed my hair.
I have a huge zit on the tip of my nose
I have a huge zit on the side of my nose where a mole is and I am sort of freaking out that something is wrong (just went to the dermatologist and nothing was wrong then of course).
PS-I have been zit free my whole life so this is pissing me off
The lawn needs mowed and P-Daddy is sick-guess who is doing that now?
Finish meetings at 5pm
Mow lawn.
Make dinner for JD.
Feed Baby J Squash and Rice Cereal
Bath JD
Bath Baby J
Put JD to bed
Feed Baby J last bottle
Put Baby J to bed
Eat something somewhere in there
Go back to work because I didn't have time to complete everything I needed to in the 8 hours I was in the den today
Make bottle for the middle of the night
Make coffee for the morning
Go to bed
*Note: I don't always do all of this. Sometimes P-Daddy wakes up with JD in the morning. And the night routine is normally shared. But not today. And probably not tomorrow. Cause when P-Daddy is sick, he is out and an additional person for me to care for. Doesn't make me love him any less. Just makes it a bit of a harder week for me. All of that was brutally honest and hard for me to type but I am keeping it there.
I realize that something at some point is gonna give. Has gotta give. I don't want it to be me. Lack of sleep can do that to this momma. Lack of sleep and the constant of the above.
And I pause for a moment and think "How in the HELL do the Duggars do it?" And then I laugh at myself for thinking that because its so outlandish but seriously, how do they do it?
On top of all of the above. I.never.stop.thinking.
Thinking about
if JD is in the right school or if I need to send him full time somewhere
if I am in the right job for me
If P-Daddy is happy (with his job, his life, me, sex, you name it)
Shit...if I am happy (with all of the above)
If I am spending enough quality time with Baby J
If I am spending enough time with JD
If I am spending enough time with P-Daddy
If I am spending enough time with me
If my boss is happy with that specific day
And then in the middle of the night I start making mental to-do's for the next day while I am not sleeping
If I am skinny enough for me
How am I going to get skinny
If my mom is happy
If my dads business is going to be okay through this recession
And then if my brother will be okay if the business isn't okay
If P-Daddy's parents are okay and healthy and happy
If my dad is healthy and okay
If I am being a good enough friend
If I am being a good enough sister
If I am good enough
If I work out enough, not for skinniness for healthiness
Then I think about it for the skinniness part
If I tell people my feelings enough
If I tell people my feelings too much
Then I think about what I wish I would have said to that person at work that talked down to me that specific day
Am I being myself
Are we saving enough
I literally could go on and on but I will spare you
and I know I am not alone. Everyone has their own struggles. Facebook is good and bad for me on this front alone. Good because everyone seems to be so honest about their trials and tribulations on their status updates...most of which I find completely trivial and it makes me stop for a moment and be thankful that I am not a skank. Ha. Then bad because I start to feel guilty about all the feelings I have above because my life is so good. And I am not a skank.
Needless to say I made a long overdue appt with the therapist today. Or I at least emailed her. Its time to go and have a good cry on her couch. She is the one person on this planet that doesn't make me feel like my feelings about anything are trivial or bad. And I need that right now. Apparently worse than I thought.
Showing posts with label Baby #2. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Baby #2. Show all posts
Monday, October 3, 2011
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
If you just smile
I noticed last night as I was laughing out loud at the rerun of Saturday Night Live we had DVR'd that my face hurt. I noticed this the night before too. Hurt like it did when I used to smile for hours through a Madrigal performance back in the day.
And then I smiled...again
And then I smiled...again
Because I realized that my face hurt because I am smiling so much.
How fun is that?
I do have so much to smile about and I know this but knowing you have a lot to smile about and actually smiling about it are two different things people.
And I have been smiling so much, without even realizing it that my face hurts at the end of the day.
So blessed. So freaking, flipping blessed.
Here is a glimpse into my smiles...I hope it makes you smile too! Love my life!
PS-may need a reminder of this face hurting due to smiling so much business very, very soon if Baby J doesn't start to consistently sleep through the night pronto! :)
Monday, May 2, 2011
The Ramblings of This Tired Momma
Today you will get a rare glimpse into exactly how my brain is working right now. Its a bit jumbled and filled with lots of randomness but should be an interesting read! :)
Right now I am sitting with JD on the couch, watching "Handy Manny." He is snuggled up to me and his feet are on top of my feet. He is huge. I mean seriously GIANT and I know I won't get opportunities like this with him forever so I am soaking it up.
I was really over all of the Royal Wedding coverage. I mean over it. I just sort of wanted the world to leave William and Kate alone. But turns out I felt their day was lovely. And I liked the short kisses. William doesn't like PDA people. It was cute.
He fell out of his bed at 4am this morning. Loudest thump I have ever heard (or so it seemed at the time). Almost a full year in that bed with no guard rail and he has never fallen out before. Poor thing was so sad. This momma was happy to help him BACK into bed and prayed he would fall back asleep. He did. Thank God.
Baby J is currently fast asleep in her pack n play with us downstairs. Sleeping on her belly, which happens to be her favorite way to sleep. This is unfortunate because unless I am wide awake and able to watch her every move she can't sleep this way. Even though the girl has AMAZING head control. Came out of the womb that way. Everyone in the hospital ooo'd and awww'd about it. I just wish she could sleep the way she likes without me breathing over her neck. Oh because selfishly I would like to sleep while she is sleeping the way she likes.
My left hip hurts like a mother trucker and has since the third trimester of pregnancy. I thought it was the pregnancy but I am worried something got loose in there. I walk with a limp sometimes. Probably not good. Totally forgot to address this issue at my 6 week follow up appointment last week because on that particular day things were feeling quite normal.
And now JD is out on the screened in porch. Mowing. Changing oil on his mower. Filling up the gas tank. Washing his mower. If he could mow in his sleep, he would.
And he is STILL talking about how much he missed us while we were in the hospital with Baby J. He sometimes cries about it. To say he felt abandoned is an UNDERSTATEMENT. He just told me he missed us while we were in the hospital. Came in from the porch, told me, went back to his business. Sad that even while he is busy with his favorite thing in the world, his little brain goes there.
Right before I had baby J I went to get my usual highlights and the gal tried something new and turned my hair ORANGE. I am still reaping the benefits from that disaster. Really awesome when my self confidence was already in the pregnancy dumps and now I have the lovely post baby body. I have had three total hair redo's, so its better but I have a feeling I will be feeling the pain of this mess up for at least a year. I have switched hair dressers.
I am in awe of how wonderful JD is with Baby J. In awe. He is a rowdy, ROWDY boy but when he is dealing with Baby J he is gentle and caring. Its a beautiful thing. And I find it so neat that when he is around she is almost always silent and following him around wherever he goes.
My old job decided they wanted me to return apparently. They sent me an email asking me to re-interview for my old position. I find this EXTREMELY interesting. I graciously told them I was happy with the company I am working with now. It was nice to know that they were interested in having me back. Wish they would have acted like they gave a damn about my work when I was there. Glad my company does now.
Speaking of my company now...they have been so ridiculously generous to our family since Baby J was born. Its humbling to know that these people I call co-workers that I have only met in person ONCE can be so giving and thoughtful.
My dad had open heart surgery to replace a valve 2 weeks after Baby J was born. He is doing okay now but things went very south a day after surgery. To say that I have been stressed is an understatement.
Baby J laughs in her sleep. Might just be one of my favorite things of all time.
Speaking of writing things down, I still have yet to write a single word in an actual journal. And yet I think about doing that everyday too.
When JD asked me to turn on a show for him this morning I told him that we really should be watching the news because today is a special day. "Osama Bin Laden was killed" I told him. "Why?" he asked. "Because he hurt our country and tried to make us less safe." "Why?" he asked. "Because he wasn't a nice man." "They schanked him mom?" "Yep JD, the schanked him." Schanked seemed like a less violent way to describe things so I went with that.
I am breastfeeding this time around and feel as though this subject needs a whole blog post. Bottom line: its hard work. Stay tuned.
I am struggling with what in the world to put on Baby J's feet when I put her in a dress. Socks? That seems strange to me. And she is too little for shoes. She has the cutest dresses but I just don't know where to begin with the feet business. Dressing JD was much easier. She has so many accessories and multiple parts to the same outfit. She is wayyyyy more fashionable than me (which I hope to continue for her sake).
My belly button will never be the same I am quite positive. Its back to being an innie but I just don't think its ever going to look right again. Damnit. :)
I wish I had more time to blog because I miss it. There I said it. I miss it.
Right now I am sitting with JD on the couch, watching "Handy Manny." He is snuggled up to me and his feet are on top of my feet. He is huge. I mean seriously GIANT and I know I won't get opportunities like this with him forever so I am soaking it up.
I was really over all of the Royal Wedding coverage. I mean over it. I just sort of wanted the world to leave William and Kate alone. But turns out I felt their day was lovely. And I liked the short kisses. William doesn't like PDA people. It was cute.
He fell out of his bed at 4am this morning. Loudest thump I have ever heard (or so it seemed at the time). Almost a full year in that bed with no guard rail and he has never fallen out before. Poor thing was so sad. This momma was happy to help him BACK into bed and prayed he would fall back asleep. He did. Thank God.
Baby J is currently fast asleep in her pack n play with us downstairs. Sleeping on her belly, which happens to be her favorite way to sleep. This is unfortunate because unless I am wide awake and able to watch her every move she can't sleep this way. Even though the girl has AMAZING head control. Came out of the womb that way. Everyone in the hospital ooo'd and awww'd about it. I just wish she could sleep the way she likes without me breathing over her neck. Oh because selfishly I would like to sleep while she is sleeping the way she likes.
My left hip hurts like a mother trucker and has since the third trimester of pregnancy. I thought it was the pregnancy but I am worried something got loose in there. I walk with a limp sometimes. Probably not good. Totally forgot to address this issue at my 6 week follow up appointment last week because on that particular day things were feeling quite normal.
And now JD is out on the screened in porch. Mowing. Changing oil on his mower. Filling up the gas tank. Washing his mower. If he could mow in his sleep, he would.
And he is STILL talking about how much he missed us while we were in the hospital with Baby J. He sometimes cries about it. To say he felt abandoned is an UNDERSTATEMENT. He just told me he missed us while we were in the hospital. Came in from the porch, told me, went back to his business. Sad that even while he is busy with his favorite thing in the world, his little brain goes there.
Right before I had baby J I went to get my usual highlights and the gal tried something new and turned my hair ORANGE. I am still reaping the benefits from that disaster. Really awesome when my self confidence was already in the pregnancy dumps and now I have the lovely post baby body. I have had three total hair redo's, so its better but I have a feeling I will be feeling the pain of this mess up for at least a year. I have switched hair dressers.
I am in awe of how wonderful JD is with Baby J. In awe. He is a rowdy, ROWDY boy but when he is dealing with Baby J he is gentle and caring. Its a beautiful thing. And I find it so neat that when he is around she is almost always silent and following him around wherever he goes.
My old job decided they wanted me to return apparently. They sent me an email asking me to re-interview for my old position. I find this EXTREMELY interesting. I graciously told them I was happy with the company I am working with now. It was nice to know that they were interested in having me back. Wish they would have acted like they gave a damn about my work when I was there. Glad my company does now.
Speaking of my company now...they have been so ridiculously generous to our family since Baby J was born. Its humbling to know that these people I call co-workers that I have only met in person ONCE can be so giving and thoughtful.
My dad had open heart surgery to replace a valve 2 weeks after Baby J was born. He is doing okay now but things went very south a day after surgery. To say that I have been stressed is an understatement.
Baby J laughs in her sleep. Might just be one of my favorite things of all time.
I don't remember my dreams being as vivid postpartum with JD. I am having some crazy ones every single night and every single morning I think I should be writing them down.
Speaking of writing things down, I still have yet to write a single word in an actual journal. And yet I think about doing that everyday too.
When JD asked me to turn on a show for him this morning I told him that we really should be watching the news because today is a special day. "Osama Bin Laden was killed" I told him. "Why?" he asked. "Because he hurt our country and tried to make us less safe." "Why?" he asked. "Because he wasn't a nice man." "They schanked him mom?" "Yep JD, the schanked him." Schanked seemed like a less violent way to describe things so I went with that.
I am breastfeeding this time around and feel as though this subject needs a whole blog post. Bottom line: its hard work. Stay tuned.
I am struggling with what in the world to put on Baby J's feet when I put her in a dress. Socks? That seems strange to me. And she is too little for shoes. She has the cutest dresses but I just don't know where to begin with the feet business. Dressing JD was much easier. She has so many accessories and multiple parts to the same outfit. She is wayyyyy more fashionable than me (which I hope to continue for her sake).
My belly button will never be the same I am quite positive. Its back to being an innie but I just don't think its ever going to look right again. Damnit. :)
I wish I had more time to blog because I miss it. There I said it. I miss it.
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Must label baby pictures well...could get confusing in old age...
So from the moment we saw our precious baby girl it has been a bit shocking how MUCH she looks like her brother did. I mean its even a bit creepy. JD has what they call a "stork bite" on the back of his neck that just looks like a big strawberry at the bottom of his hairline. His little sister, yeah, born with the SAME ONE! I think that is the creepiest to me of all the things.
From the hairline, to the eyelashes to the nose...its as if we have produced the exact same baby again, just a different sex! I never imagined they would look this much alike!
They are NOT the same baby...but they could have been twins and that is FO SHO!
Can you guess which one is JD and which is baby girl?
Saturday, March 26, 2011
The Arrival Of Our Baby Girl
Our precious daughter was born on St. Patrick's Day, arriving exactly how she was supposed to! We are in love with her beyond words. JD is in love with her beyond words. JD is NOT in love with his mommy and daddy right now. :) We are still working that out!
Here are her stats:
March 17, 2011
7lbs 4oz
20 1/2 inches
Born at: 7:38am (random factoid: her brother was born at 7:37am)
Granbecks (also known as Gaga) holding Julia for the first time
Papa President holding Julia for the first time
Aunt Ricki holding Julia
Aunt Ricki and Uncle Badgeman
Grandpa Menard and Grandma Principal
Godmom holding Julia for the first time
Aimee holding Julia for the first time
Uncle VP, our first visitor at home!
I sure am hormonal so Lord knows in the coming weeks I will have lots to write about. :) And Julia will have a secret name like JD but thought the only peeps reading this blog were those that know me so you get the inside scoop! :)
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Over it?
I may just be over blogging, this here blog...the blog thang.
I just don't know. I still have lots and lots to say, don't get this girl wrong...but I am just not able to take the time to sit down and type it out.
I have censored myself too. And I hate that. I think about writing all of my (ahem) profound thoughts and then I think about who reads this and what they will think if I am that brutally honest about whatever subject is running through my head.
Secretly I want to start a secret blog.
The biggest secret is I don't have time to start a secret blog.
I also think that maybe I should just journal again. Maybe that.
But if nothing else I am a confused blogger.
I don't want to be a mommy blogger.
I want to be able to discuss my momminess when I feel necessary but I don't want to be a mommy blogger.
Being a mommy is important and, of course does defines part of who I am. BUT JUST PART PEOPLE.
Here is what I know fo sho:
We are great.
I love my job.
I am approximately 3 weeks from delivering our Baby Girl.
This stage of pregnancy is really hard on my body, mind and soul.
I have fabulous friends from all walks of my life.
I miss the gym.
I am so thankful my mom lives so close.
JD is the light of my life. Our life.
I can't wait for March Madness.
P-Daddy is the LOVE of my life. Seriously people. The Best.
I don't pray enough.
I am scared of my second c-section.
I love getting my nails done.
I may just be over this here blog.
Time shall tell I guess. I am taking 12 weeks off once baby girl is born. You may just get some delirious sleep deprived posts! Now THAT could be entertaining folks!
I just don't know. I still have lots and lots to say, don't get this girl wrong...but I am just not able to take the time to sit down and type it out.
I have censored myself too. And I hate that. I think about writing all of my (ahem) profound thoughts and then I think about who reads this and what they will think if I am that brutally honest about whatever subject is running through my head.
Secretly I want to start a secret blog.
The biggest secret is I don't have time to start a secret blog.
I also think that maybe I should just journal again. Maybe that.
But if nothing else I am a confused blogger.
I don't want to be a mommy blogger.
I want to be able to discuss my momminess when I feel necessary but I don't want to be a mommy blogger.
Being a mommy is important and, of course does defines part of who I am. BUT JUST PART PEOPLE.
Here is what I know fo sho:
We are great.
I love my job.
I am approximately 3 weeks from delivering our Baby Girl.
This stage of pregnancy is really hard on my body, mind and soul.
I have fabulous friends from all walks of my life.
I miss the gym.
I am so thankful my mom lives so close.
JD is the light of my life. Our life.
I can't wait for March Madness.
P-Daddy is the LOVE of my life. Seriously people. The Best.
I don't pray enough.
I am scared of my second c-section.
I love getting my nails done.
I may just be over this here blog.
Time shall tell I guess. I am taking 12 weeks off once baby girl is born. You may just get some delirious sleep deprived posts! Now THAT could be entertaining folks!
Sunday, January 9, 2011
This Girl and Pregnancy
I have been thinking about this post for a while...you know with all the up and down in the night (gives me lots of time to THINK). I had lots to say when prego with JD but didn't blog...sooo thought it may be fun to think out loud a bit on what this 9 month gig is all about for what is probably my final pregnancy.
So I am literally just going to type what I think. May be a bit jumbled. May be brilliant. We shall see...
Pregnancy with JD was trying. Lots of medical weirdness and complications. Makes the whole process very hard. Made me a nervous nelly. Pretty sure it heightened the level of my control freakness with him when he was born healthy.
Avoided Pregnancy for almost 3 years due to this factoid.
Took me about 3 years to get off all the weight from the FIRST one.
My boobs stayed bigger. Good for P-Daddy, ehhh for me. Big boobs to a girl that never had much makes you feel fatter. But I will say my cleavage is gorgeous now. HA!
First trimester sucks for two reasons.
One-you are tired and feel like crap for 12-14 weeks.
Two-you are cautioned to not tell a soul about being pregnant because the chances of miscarrying your baby is so high.
Which really means there are THREE reasons to not like it because who wants to carry around the burden of the fact that you are pregnant now but for no rhyme or reason in a 12 week time frame you could just "poof"...not be anymore.
First 12 weeks drag for this girl.
When I see two blue lines or "PREGNANT" on a stick...I want to shout it from the roof tops. Such an exciting moment.
Second Trimester is bliss. Even with JD and the ball of stress I was. Baby girl has been much easier overall but the two of them made the second 12 weeks fabulous.
Belly looks like a pregnant person and not just a chub.
You start to feel their little kicks and punches.
You glow a bit.
And you aren't too big that doing anything like sitting down and standing up is a challenge.
The hormones that run through your body during this time frame must be some good stuff (aka they should bottle it-ha!) too because I worry a LOT less during this time frame.
We find out what we are having and get the blessed 20 week ultrasound.
Then you hit (overnight it feels) the third trimester. I feel, especially with this pregnancy that I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning and I was a lot rounder in the belly, it was harder to roll myself out of bed in the morning and baby girl gained at least two pounds.
I start to worry a lot too. If I don't feel her move (and was the same way with JD) for a second (okay probably longer than that) I start to worry that something is wrong.
I start to worry about the delivery and that her cord will be wrapped around her neck 4 times too.
I start to worry about the recovery of another c-section.
I start to worry about weird things like blood clots because of c-sections.
I nest like no other woman has nested. I nest hard.
I start getting so excited about meeting our daughter (our DAUGHTER!) and then get scared in the same breath that something could go wrong.
I don't like third trimester hormones. :)
I worry that each Braxton Hicks is a real contraction (as I don't think I had any real ones with JD) and that I am not paying close enough attention.
Did I mention I nest?
Did I mention everything is already washed, put in its organized place, and ready for her arrival?
Did I mention I am only 29 1/2 (yes I needed to get the half in there) pregnant?
Oh and the nursery is done.
And I am thinking about packing my hospital bag today. No joking around here folks. Move out the way...I am nesting.
Then I look at JD and cherish every moment with him (or at least try to) because his world is going to be rocked soon.
I was the oldest child. I know the responsibility you feel as the oldest. I don't want him to feel that yet (and I know he won't but my adult horomoned out brain is O.C.)
I can't wait to see him as a big brother.
I have loved this time as our family of three though. For us, I am glad we had it this way.
And I do think about and thank God about the fact that we have no troubles getting pregnant. That in itself is a gift.
I have tried to let the weight thing go. I have been conscious about what I ingest (although Christmas time was hard on this front), how much I work out, etc. But I have just tried to appreciate what my body is doing this time.
The deal is that no one can prepare any one gal what this will be like as it is different for everyone. And I like to go into a situation prepared.
The first time around hit me like a ton of bricks as I literally had always envisioned pregnancy as a very blissful time.
I was of course more prepared this time around but it still hasn't ceased to amaze me. It hasn't been blissful but its been niceR
Overall I am trying to cherish pregnancy this time around. Trying to breath, give it to God and enjoy the 9 month ride. I am just at the 7 month part and wish that God had created pregnancy to be 30 weeks instead of 40. :)
So I am literally just going to type what I think. May be a bit jumbled. May be brilliant. We shall see...
Pregnancy with JD was trying. Lots of medical weirdness and complications. Makes the whole process very hard. Made me a nervous nelly. Pretty sure it heightened the level of my control freakness with him when he was born healthy.
Avoided Pregnancy for almost 3 years due to this factoid.
Took me about 3 years to get off all the weight from the FIRST one.
My boobs stayed bigger. Good for P-Daddy, ehhh for me. Big boobs to a girl that never had much makes you feel fatter. But I will say my cleavage is gorgeous now. HA!
First trimester sucks for two reasons.
One-you are tired and feel like crap for 12-14 weeks.
Two-you are cautioned to not tell a soul about being pregnant because the chances of miscarrying your baby is so high.
Which really means there are THREE reasons to not like it because who wants to carry around the burden of the fact that you are pregnant now but for no rhyme or reason in a 12 week time frame you could just "poof"...not be anymore.
First 12 weeks drag for this girl.
When I see two blue lines or "PREGNANT" on a stick...I want to shout it from the roof tops. Such an exciting moment.
Second Trimester is bliss. Even with JD and the ball of stress I was. Baby girl has been much easier overall but the two of them made the second 12 weeks fabulous.
Belly looks like a pregnant person and not just a chub.
You start to feel their little kicks and punches.
You glow a bit.
And you aren't too big that doing anything like sitting down and standing up is a challenge.
The hormones that run through your body during this time frame must be some good stuff (aka they should bottle it-ha!) too because I worry a LOT less during this time frame.
We find out what we are having and get the blessed 20 week ultrasound.
Then you hit (overnight it feels) the third trimester. I feel, especially with this pregnancy that I went to bed one night and woke up the next morning and I was a lot rounder in the belly, it was harder to roll myself out of bed in the morning and baby girl gained at least two pounds.
I start to worry a lot too. If I don't feel her move (and was the same way with JD) for a second (okay probably longer than that) I start to worry that something is wrong.
I start to worry about the delivery and that her cord will be wrapped around her neck 4 times too.
I start to worry about the recovery of another c-section.
I start to worry about weird things like blood clots because of c-sections.
I nest like no other woman has nested. I nest hard.
I start getting so excited about meeting our daughter (our DAUGHTER!) and then get scared in the same breath that something could go wrong.
I don't like third trimester hormones. :)
I worry that each Braxton Hicks is a real contraction (as I don't think I had any real ones with JD) and that I am not paying close enough attention.
Did I mention I nest?
Did I mention everything is already washed, put in its organized place, and ready for her arrival?
Did I mention I am only 29 1/2 (yes I needed to get the half in there) pregnant?
Oh and the nursery is done.
And I am thinking about packing my hospital bag today. No joking around here folks. Move out the way...I am nesting.
Then I look at JD and cherish every moment with him (or at least try to) because his world is going to be rocked soon.
I was the oldest child. I know the responsibility you feel as the oldest. I don't want him to feel that yet (and I know he won't but my adult horomoned out brain is O.C.)
I can't wait to see him as a big brother.
I have loved this time as our family of three though. For us, I am glad we had it this way.
And I do think about and thank God about the fact that we have no troubles getting pregnant. That in itself is a gift.
I have tried to let the weight thing go. I have been conscious about what I ingest (although Christmas time was hard on this front), how much I work out, etc. But I have just tried to appreciate what my body is doing this time.
The deal is that no one can prepare any one gal what this will be like as it is different for everyone. And I like to go into a situation prepared.
The first time around hit me like a ton of bricks as I literally had always envisioned pregnancy as a very blissful time.
I was of course more prepared this time around but it still hasn't ceased to amaze me. It hasn't been blissful but its been niceR
Overall I am trying to cherish pregnancy this time around. Trying to breath, give it to God and enjoy the 9 month ride. I am just at the 7 month part and wish that God had created pregnancy to be 30 weeks instead of 40. :)
Monday, January 3, 2011
A View of 2010
JANUARY
FEBRUARY
MARCH
APRIL
MAY
JUNE
JULY
AUGUST
SEPTEMBER
OCTOBER
NOVEMBER
DECEMBER
From our Family to yours...
HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
And yet another deep thought by this momma
So I am having a girl as you all know by now.
And I am so excited.
But I am also so scared.
Women are so hard on themselves (including this woman). And I was hard on myself as a girl, teen, and young adult too.
So I was at a baby shower today of a friend who happens to also be having a girl. There were 34 other beautiful women there...some I knew, most I didn't from all walks of this friends life. I listened (probably looked creepy but whatevs) to these girls talk about their jobs, their friends, their lives. I find people so interesting so this is always fun for me...you know to be the creepy one listening in! HA!
Anyway...then it came time to take the group photo. We all gathered on this pretty staircase and that's when it started.
"I would prefer to be in the back"
"Please take this shot from the waist up"
"Could you hide my hips"
...and those were just a few.
I have to admit that earlier at this same shower one of my friends and I were discussing our Christmas cards and I sooo said I hate having my own face on them as I criticize almost all pictures of myself. To which she replied "oh whatever you are soo freaking photogenic"...to which I replied "oh no I am not"...but then followed it up with "I do realize that I am my worst critic." And I look back at that conversation and just want to stop myself and say instead "THANK YOU."
In her eyes, perception is probably reality. Meaning in her eyes I AM photogenic. And paying someone a compliment like that is extremely sweet. Next time, I promise to say thank you. Whether I believe it or not.
Speaking of BELIEVING it...I actually have come a long way from the days where I would look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I actually do like ME. Even my growing a** from the baby growing inside of me. :) Even that. And that, my dear readers is a HUGE STEP for this girl.
But this brings me to the responsibility I feel to my unborn daughter.
I realize that society will play a part in how she looks at herself.
I realize that I (and P-Daddy) will play the LARGEST part.
Yes, this may sound or read as if I am only focusing on vanity. But if you are a girl and you are reading this, you know what you think about yourself to the core of your being. And it starts with what you are looking at in the mirror. Yes, sure you may see wrinkles and not love them...but if you look at your eyes you see your core. This is what I am talking about. And you may not really be able to pin point WHY you feel the way you do but I can tell you from all the therapy this girl has had...it came from your family. And how you feel at the core of yourself does spill out of you. Whether you like it or not. Like when you are 30 something and have to take a group picture at a baby shower.
My husband, by the way looks at himself fondly in the mirror every single day. And always has since the day I met him. And I love this quality. He likes himself. I want both my kids to feel this way too.
So as I am aware this CAN be something men deal with, I know this IS something women deal with.
When I hear friends who already have little girls criticize them I cringe. They hear you is what I want to say. You are shaping them NOW. And I don't think calling a 2 year old chubby is ever okay. Mostly because its just allowing YOU to think its okay to say it later too.
So I may be a bit sensitive because of my own experiences...and I may take this way too seriously for some...but no matter your thoughts of what I am writing if you are a woman...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and you know how it affects YOU!
I have always said "you do better when you know better." And we all know better. We are all smart, we have all seen the way this whole thing plays out. I want our baby girl to grow up and say "THANK YOU" to a compliment without even thinking twice about it. Because at her core, she knows that she is beautiful inside and out. I want her to truly love herself.
By the way your parents did the best they knew how. Just as mine did. We all carry our baggage and unfortunately this is given to our children. I don't blame my parents as what good does that do? I just want to learn from my own experiences. And NOT repeat history.
And so I am scared.
Because this is a HUGE responsibility.
For both our kids.
But believe me when I say I am thrilled to be given this opportunity. To be a parent. To love my children and show them how to love.
Dear God thank you for the gift of my children...help me do your will along the road of raising them! AMEN!
And I am so excited.
But I am also so scared.
Women are so hard on themselves (including this woman). And I was hard on myself as a girl, teen, and young adult too.
So I was at a baby shower today of a friend who happens to also be having a girl. There were 34 other beautiful women there...some I knew, most I didn't from all walks of this friends life. I listened (probably looked creepy but whatevs) to these girls talk about their jobs, their friends, their lives. I find people so interesting so this is always fun for me...you know to be the creepy one listening in! HA!
Anyway...then it came time to take the group photo. We all gathered on this pretty staircase and that's when it started.
"I would prefer to be in the back"
"Please take this shot from the waist up"
"Could you hide my hips"
...and those were just a few.
I have to admit that earlier at this same shower one of my friends and I were discussing our Christmas cards and I sooo said I hate having my own face on them as I criticize almost all pictures of myself. To which she replied "oh whatever you are soo freaking photogenic"...to which I replied "oh no I am not"...but then followed it up with "I do realize that I am my worst critic." And I look back at that conversation and just want to stop myself and say instead "THANK YOU."
In her eyes, perception is probably reality. Meaning in her eyes I AM photogenic. And paying someone a compliment like that is extremely sweet. Next time, I promise to say thank you. Whether I believe it or not.
Speaking of BELIEVING it...I actually have come a long way from the days where I would look in the mirror and only see my flaws. I actually do like ME. Even my growing a** from the baby growing inside of me. :) Even that. And that, my dear readers is a HUGE STEP for this girl.
But this brings me to the responsibility I feel to my unborn daughter.
I realize that society will play a part in how she looks at herself.
I realize that I (and P-Daddy) will play the LARGEST part.
Yes, this may sound or read as if I am only focusing on vanity. But if you are a girl and you are reading this, you know what you think about yourself to the core of your being. And it starts with what you are looking at in the mirror. Yes, sure you may see wrinkles and not love them...but if you look at your eyes you see your core. This is what I am talking about. And you may not really be able to pin point WHY you feel the way you do but I can tell you from all the therapy this girl has had...it came from your family. And how you feel at the core of yourself does spill out of you. Whether you like it or not. Like when you are 30 something and have to take a group picture at a baby shower.
My husband, by the way looks at himself fondly in the mirror every single day. And always has since the day I met him. And I love this quality. He likes himself. I want both my kids to feel this way too.
So as I am aware this CAN be something men deal with, I know this IS something women deal with.
When I hear friends who already have little girls criticize them I cringe. They hear you is what I want to say. You are shaping them NOW. And I don't think calling a 2 year old chubby is ever okay. Mostly because its just allowing YOU to think its okay to say it later too.
So I may be a bit sensitive because of my own experiences...and I may take this way too seriously for some...but no matter your thoughts of what I am writing if you are a woman...YOU KNOW WHAT I AM TALKING ABOUT and you know how it affects YOU!
I have always said "you do better when you know better." And we all know better. We are all smart, we have all seen the way this whole thing plays out. I want our baby girl to grow up and say "THANK YOU" to a compliment without even thinking twice about it. Because at her core, she knows that she is beautiful inside and out. I want her to truly love herself.
By the way your parents did the best they knew how. Just as mine did. We all carry our baggage and unfortunately this is given to our children. I don't blame my parents as what good does that do? I just want to learn from my own experiences. And NOT repeat history.
And so I am scared.
Because this is a HUGE responsibility.
For both our kids.
But believe me when I say I am thrilled to be given this opportunity. To be a parent. To love my children and show them how to love.
Dear God thank you for the gift of my children...help me do your will along the road of raising them! AMEN!
Monday, October 4, 2010
Who has two thumbs, a new found love of strawberries and is growing at the age of 29?
THIS GIRL!
Hmmm....wonder what I am talking about? Well lets see, I have spent the past 15 weeks being nauseous, craving lots and lots of fruit and cereal, gained some weight, my breastesses are large and in charge, I am starting to seriously look at wearing elastic wasted pants....
...thats right folks, this girl is PREGNANT with Baby #2!! I know, right?! We never thought I would do it again!! But alas, I am going down the long 40 week road of the gift of pregnancy. And am trying to embrace all the lovliness that goes along with it.
I didn't blog when prego with JD so this is new territory for me. I only took ONE photo of me and my prego belly with JD, and am planning on reluctantly doing the same with this babe. So really, no fun for you on that front. BUT I am sure I will share some lovely details along the way.
First up will be if this babe is a boy or a girl. And that, dear readers is a detail that I am NOT patiently awaiting this time around!! I want to know so bad for some reason!! And I think its because everyone near and dear to me has decided I am having a girl (gasp). Oh and the reason for the gasp is that P-Daddy is one of 3 boys, there is all boy cousins (one girl somewhere in there), I only have one brother, my mom had three...so I kind of always assumed I would just have all boys. It really never occurred to me that I would EVER have a girl. So they all have me curious and interested that it could actually be a girl. And be prepared if it is...I will literally start peeing in pink I think. :) But this will FOR SURE be uncharted territory for me, for US!
So for now we wait. We find out this detail in November and that feels like a year away (dramatic). But we are thrilled, blessed, and so excited to share this news with you and you and you!
JD is so excited he agreed to a photo shoot. :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)